Absence Without Official Leave (AWOL)

I've been AWOL, haven't i?

Well, i was supposed to catch up with life and work- but you know what they say about good intentions and things going tits up (that means things going badly, screwed up......picked up the phrase from my placement on a breast firm).

The thing is, things haven't gone tits up at all. I went to see Linkin Park (again!!!) on monday- i manage to score cheap tickets (with much work, calling and class-skipping) and dragged my flatmate along. It wasn't excellent, we got seating tickets but with straight on view of the stage. We didnt sit for long though- ended up standing and jumping in something like 1.5 feet of space- a slip and i'll fall headlong down the seats (the show was at the O2 arena- built stadium-like with very steep seating). The music was the best (would anyone expect anything less?) and Biffy Clyro (the opening act) impressed as well.

Finally joined the gym, but im been a bit slack with the training. I've gotta keep up- me and a flatmate have a little bet going on-ive gotta be fighting fit and looking hot for a day on the beach in September. There's the bumps (a rowing race) too, and health reasons.....but health reasons are never enough. For once there isnt a man behing this new motivation to exercise, perhaps that is why im not super-motivated. There isnt a man worth obsessing about though, so i guess i just gotta do without.

Been skipping a lot of class- i cant seem to get outta bed. I get up when the alarm goes off, but i have a habit of lingering in bed for no good reason. It's ok once and awhile, but im doing this daily. Work is abandoned for moping about, doing nothing. At least now its blogging, so that's ok....

The piercing is giving me trouble- im back to warm salt water soaks for that tiny spot under my lip. Im gonna get a ring fitted in soon, whenever i get around to a piercer's. I worry, because my labret is placed waaay too far below my lip that i need a ridiculously large (and uncomfy) ring or have to get one of those silly lip loop thingys. Or re-pierce. Maybe not. Jewellery is expensive too....tsk tsk

Easter headache

i wanna go somewhere amazing, somewhere i've never been to.......come easter holidays end march.



I had the plans, even the means. The only thing was i had no one to go with. However brave and brash i seem; i'm actually rational, quite safe and concerned with safety. That is why i waited for someone to agree to come with me to Morroco. The person could not go due to parental pressure to return home. And now that i've gathered enough courage to go for it on my own, the tickets are too expensive.



There was Greece, but its too expensive for now. And no one wants to travel with me. No one.



In addition to my schedule being totally different from everyone from other uni, the ones that have the same schedule as me have declined my earnest invitations to come travelling. Instead they accepted later invitations by other of my so-called friends.



It must be me.



Now that ticket prices are pricier.....im unsure. Greece was outta the picture early- too expensive all around. Morocco is still possible because flights may be pricy, but at least on the ground it should be cheaper.



If i didnt have a summer to save money for, i'd splurge and go Morroco. At the moment, summer is hanging in balance. Im not sure if i can make the cut for the conference. Im not sure my claims will come through.

So, i've decided to see friends and tour Ireland. No, the movie P.S I Love You had nothing to do with it. It was all down to Ryan Air and St.Patrick.

never wait,

look before you follow

believe,

have faith

you are best when you are brave

Punctuality

I have a nasty habit of being late when taking my clothes outta the coin-operated washing machines in our basement. Usually, i get away with it. Rarely someone would come along that wanted to use the machine, so they'll pile the clothes up on the machine, or pop it in the laundry bag. Today someone did something amazing.

She had folded up each and every item of clothing i had (damp still) and stacked them up on the washing machine in two neat piles. On top of those there was a small mound of my knickers and a bras, nicely stacked with straps tucked away.

Im slightly appaled at the idea of someone going through my clothes like that- its kinda creepy....

inspired cupcakes

Click here

Nasi air

I see the light
It's shining bright
I think I'll have some supper tonight
Nasi air, sudu tak pernah cukup
Yang tinggal hanya pinggan dan mangkuk........
Sometimes i feel like genocide*
Sometimes i feel like suicide
But...............
I see the light
It's shining bright..............

-Thanks kiki for the inspired lyrics...... too bad i dont remember the rest, but one of us will
*we were kids when we made this song up, waaay before people started shooting their classmates. Waaaay before i actually knew what genocide meant. Gun laws are a good idea, because depressed 16 year olds will always exist.

I made nasi air today- complete with sambal! Replace the kangkung with spinach and voila! It's nostalgic and yummy......

Accompanied by apple tea......this convalescent likes to eat well....

there's a lot to be thankful for

I should be writing about how great my holiday was. There was good food (too much of it), plenty of friends (new and old) and hijinks.

But all that comes to mind is how blessed life is.

Im ill at the moment- a nasty cold that leaves my head fuzzy and my body aching. Yet, i cant complain too much.

Im praying for another good year.
For love, wisdom and fun. To have them watched over; protected and safe. For our success.

Things falling down sinks

Things are falling into place. Thanks xx

My bank manager waived my bank fees so i can now buy new jeans and choccies for family guilt free (who knew chocolates could cost so much?) and i finally settled our bed in Edinbrugh.

A friend of a former crush found out about my long over-crush on the former crush last night. If that sentence confused you, it confuses me too, but you get the gist, ja?

The former crush: He's the one i write poetry for. The one i wrote the most poetry about, anyway. It wasn't cos he was so overpoweringly insprirational, it was just cos i was in a poetry phase at the time.

Made eggy, heavy pancakes at 3 am and had them with cinnamon butter last night with some friends and a friend of friends (the same friend of former crush) after watching Ratatouile and I am Legend- must say i am getting fat, almost reaching high school levels of fatness. Ring the alarm bells!!!

What this post was suppose to be was about how small things can fall down sinks- my heart clenches at the sound of my pendant hitting the sink as i watch in horror as the shiny metal winks at me, balancing at the edge of the black hole, the cling-cling of blue crystal as it tips over the edge falling into the dark abyss of the sink.

Retrieving it is a mission- opening up pipes is never pleasant, but having to look for shiny metal and blue crystal through murky water and strands of hair coated in gunk is plain disgusting. Still, i love that pendant, im not letting it go that easily.

Found it at last, somehow ended up in the pail, under all that gunk. Washed it and cleaned it, and i managed to get it on without tossing it into the sink this time.

Oh, and i wanna say that i feel old this christmas, and i miss all my loved ones a lot this year. I miss my loud, suffocating, overbearing family, the crazy friends who know me well enough to know what i mean and my cats. Even if they dont love me- i mean the cats. People show me a lot of love; and most of the time, i feel i really don't deserve it.

Listen- Elliot Smith's Miss Misery

To vanish into oblivion
Is easy to do
And I try to be but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me miss misery
Like you say you do?

A Long December

It's a classic, you must've heard it; sometime long ago. It's been my new year song forever. Listen to it, k? I cant wait to see you......

Lovies xx

The end?

I hate finding out that i need someone more than they need me. I want to be needed and loved. And in a situation like this, i dont know what to do. I'm making an effort, but it seems that whatever i do, it's not making things better. In fact, it's making things worse.

Im becoming someone that you dont like. Im becoming boring. Im still the stupid, airhead girl you knew. Then perhaps you thought i had potential then, something you though, if you stuck with, might become interesting.

But sad to say i never grew up, never changed; didnt get smart, complicated or cool. Just boring, untortured emo chubbette. I even have skinny jeans now.

I dont wanna lose you. I care, you've been so good to me, but i dont want us to have a massive falling out. It would take a lot for me to hate you; i suspect im nearing your threshold for hating me though. I refuse to let it happen. So im gonna just slip away. Perhaps it's best if i leave on a good note, even if there is a twinge of bitterness. I still want you to think well of me.

I understand that you dont need me; never did, and so, i take my leave.

Long december

A long december and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood

If you think that I could be forgiven...
i wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that its all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood

If you think you might come to California...
i think you should

Drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And its been a long december and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood

Its been so long since I've seen the ocean...
i guess I should

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been singing this song during december for years

before i even understood what loneliness really was

or how cold it can be this time of year

I now understand somewhat

of the smell of hospitals in winter

and of numbing cold

I know how terrible it is to miss someone

and to be far away from the ocean

just trudging through the days

i'll take stock of my year

and look forward to the next

maybe it'll be better than the last

Essays

Someone teach me please, show me how.

I cant write scientific essay, dissertations or anything with substance.

I don't know how to use Pubmed, Medline confuses me, and my Athens login doesn't work.

Reading journal articles are fun, i just don't know how to extract information from them.

Help, help, help.......the essay is due tomorrow.

The Prayer

I went out this evening.
And i ran away at 12.00, not cinderella-like, but more of the Beast-style.

Im self-absorbed, and this is going to be another in depth analysis of why im a social retard. You have been duly warned.

Block Party's The Prayer is my getting ready song. Everytime i go out, i hope and wish that i will have fun. Most of the time i dont.

I feel out of place, awkward. It seems that no one has anything to say to me, and i have nothing to say to them. I'll try and make conversation, but its always boring, 'oh how was your week' talk that lasts all of two minutes before they turn around and talk to the person next to me, and i just stand there looking lost, feeling alone. If im nursing a drink, it'll be ok for awhile, but i'll drink it all up very very quickly.

I feel uncomfortable, like i dont belong. That's not new. It seems that with this group of certain people i become this introvert, i lose all my charm.

With certain others i can be entertaining, charming is a loud, brassy way. I might even seem confident, wild, joyful.

With them yeaterday, i felt unhappy i guess. They make me feel a little low in myself. I feel like im the odd one out. The fat, ugly one. The charm-less girl. I stood there having nothing to say. And i dont know how to make conversation with drunk people. King's of convenience's "I'd rather dance with you" comes to mind.

I know its partially my fault. If i'd take more of an interest in people's lives, then perhaps i could make better conversation when i see them. Do more interesting things, so i can talk about them, then just going 'yeah, im chilling out this weekend'. And learning some wicked party tricks- that'll make me popular, definately.

Lost in Translation

In the insert that came with the DVD there's a interview with Sofia Coppola and Ross Katz. In the last bit of the interview she's saying about why she made the movie-

''to convey what i love about Tokyo and visiting the city. It's about moments in life that are great but dont last. They dont go on, but you always have the memory and they have an effect on you''

Im reminded of christmas eve in Sevilla last year where i met this guy at the hostel there. I had arrived at 5 in the morning at Sevilla, having taken the bus from Madrid at 10 o'clock the night before. I only found the hostel 2 hours later after asking for directions from every drunk on the street and seeking refuge at a 24 hour churros stall where no one spoke English (but they had hot churros and coffee, bless them).

We were both sitting at the waiting room of the hostel, waiting for reception to open at 8. He was rifling through maps and papers while i was sitting there, bleary eyed and tired- our eyes met and we said hello. I asked him what he was up to- he said was gonna go sightseeing straight away. I smiled and told him that i was gonna shower and sleep first and go around a bit later. Then he told that places were closing early for christmas eve. I was blasted. I didnt have a plan and i was tired....it wasnt good.

I didn't even think it through when i asked him if i could tag along. I didnt expect him to say yes but then he said, 'sure'. I dumped my stuff with his, we grabbed some breakfast in the hostel and headed out. It wasn't awkward at all, in fact, we got along like old friends. I even forgot that i was really tired and was in need of a shower. We toured the Alcazar and after much pleading (on my part) and making sure no one was looking, he plucked an orange for me off on of the orange trees that surround the Alcazar.

We talked about things: home- his is on a farm in Brazil where his father plants coffee; about family and school. We talked about our adopted countries and how hard it is to get used to a foreign place. We wandered Sevilla- he was full of trivia and stories of the places (he had the guidebook after all). We sat down by the river to have lunch- bourbon creams, crisps, juiceboxes and bottled water as we watch the sun glinting of the water and rowers. I told him about rowing, he told me about the places he's been to and we just sat there, munching and enjoying the winter sun.

We walked along- past the bars where old ladies dance flamenco outside, fueled by alcohol and the hearty claps and cheers of everyone there. Wandered the winding streets of the Jewish quarter in the fading light of evening. The streets so narrow that balconies almost touch and in some, we had to squeeze into doorways to let cars pass. There were random pretty buildings and we'd take a quick peek through ornate doors into someone's fountained courtyard while hunting out places marked on his map.

It was late when we finally got back, and he had an early start the next day, so he went off straight to bed. I chirped a quick, 'thanks for a great day! see ya in the morning!' before he climbed up the stairs.

That was the last i saw of him. I woke up late on christmas day and didnt even get to say goodbye.

The happy song: siki siki baba

Good music week

If you've been listening to Beirut, then you'll love what ive stumbled upon.

A hawk and a hacksaw at La Blogotheque.

Kocani Orkestar is great! I cant help but feel happy listening to Macedonian wedding music. Whan i figure out how to put it on this blog, i will. It's music that makes me wanna get up and shake booty!

Start Wearing Purple- Gogol Bordello

The band's name is Gogol Bordello. Gypsy punk, that's what they're calling this riot of sound that is absolutely crazy and happy.
In an alternate universe i would be working in new york and hanging out with the likes of Gogol Bordello in seedy underground clubs.
I love the campyness, OTT drama/crazyness, accordions and borat-esque lead singer. Its a weird but not all too bad sound.
And i heartily approve of wearing purple all the time.

The experiment begins

Baby BenQ crashed this morning.
I cant find my copy of microsoft office.

But, Adrafinil has just arrived through the mail.

Im elated and hopeful.

The information sheet is in French. But i've figured out that i have to take 2-4 tablets per day. I guess that's what "2 a 4 comprimer par jour" means.

Im gonna take one with lunch, and see what happens.
Wish me luck people. This may usher in a new era of brainier, better me or.............lets not even explore the less than favourable alternative. The drug is classed as a psychostimulant.

Im just really curious if it really does works.

Update

I got a wee bit hyper in the afternoon, but no percievable improvement in concentration or focus. I slept like a baby. Damn, maybe a up in dosage is needed.

Sisu

DSC01167
Originally uploaded by n.eliza.

Sixteen Military Wives - The Decemberists

Since im on a roll, and i might as well entertain you lot.

Just in case you didnt know, or forgot, The Decemberist rock. Not in a Machine Head kind of way, but in the way that they make good stuff. And this video is uber-funny. And thought provoking at the same time.

On a side note-my essay is not going anywhere. Someone help- to get my essay done, and another someone to drive me to Lyon to see Beirut. Please.........