Katy Perry Last Friday Night Thanks God is Friday from Erik Reyes on Vimeo.
Just dont lose your handbag and shoes. That spells real trouble
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
I love it when he calls me Ellie
Certain truths need to be told.
I cannot multitask.
I am easily stressed by multiple projects all vying for attention at the same time.
I am easily distracted by good looking dark haired men (especially those who give me pet names. Or call me babe/honey- it's ok if it's that one, only that one).
The Einstein quote about insanity being doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results remind me that i need to do things differently if i want to achieve more. Not necessarily work harder, but work differently. I find myself making small changes, but falling back into my old habits- i forget the aim of the game too easily and dwell on the details. Im unable to compartmentalize my mind- focus on one thing, but have an awareness of other things. I think if i can achieve this focus with a wider awareness and confidence i will work better, hell; live better.
We'll see if things can change
I cannot multitask.
I am easily stressed by multiple projects all vying for attention at the same time.
I am easily distracted by good looking dark haired men (especially those who give me pet names. Or call me babe/honey- it's ok if it's that one, only that one).
The Einstein quote about insanity being doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results remind me that i need to do things differently if i want to achieve more. Not necessarily work harder, but work differently. I find myself making small changes, but falling back into my old habits- i forget the aim of the game too easily and dwell on the details. Im unable to compartmentalize my mind- focus on one thing, but have an awareness of other things. I think if i can achieve this focus with a wider awareness and confidence i will work better, hell; live better.
We'll see if things can change
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
i need a break
I need to go away for a few days- a quick escape, jump into a car and drive fast, speeding to nowhere.
I want the beach and the sea. I need a swim, in the sea, where the water is warm and blue. I need good friends, company that im not constantly trying to impress.
I want the beach and the sea. I need a swim, in the sea, where the water is warm and blue. I need good friends, company that im not constantly trying to impress.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Scrubs moment
Hung over, i was walking down the connecting tunnel between the new hosp and the old one. My project just blown out the water, and a tonne of work for me to do over the weekend.
I spot Dr Boy coming in the opposite direction. He looks nice- he's wearing a shirt today (not like i've seen him shirtless, but he is usually in scrubs).
I look terrible. Hair greasy in a big bun, big glasses on (i hope he has a big glasses fetish because i always am in big glasses when i see him) and in ugly scrubs, feeling stressed out of my head and fat as an obese hippo.
I look up as we walk pass each other. He says hi. I say hi. Ah, the death of flirting.
He looks well nice, and ugh, I feel sick- wave of nausea from my hangover.
I overtake a porter pushing a bed.
"i'm so tired, can i get a ride?"
"jump on then...."
"really?! ok!"
And i jump on the bed and the porter pushes the bed along the corridor with me on it. I'm laughing away, kicking me legs, having a good giggle.
I jump off and take the back entrance to the unit. At least there's still reason to laugh.
I spot Dr Boy coming in the opposite direction. He looks nice- he's wearing a shirt today (not like i've seen him shirtless, but he is usually in scrubs).
I look terrible. Hair greasy in a big bun, big glasses on (i hope he has a big glasses fetish because i always am in big glasses when i see him) and in ugly scrubs, feeling stressed out of my head and fat as an obese hippo.
I look up as we walk pass each other. He says hi. I say hi. Ah, the death of flirting.
He looks well nice, and ugh, I feel sick- wave of nausea from my hangover.
I overtake a porter pushing a bed.
"i'm so tired, can i get a ride?"
"jump on then...."
"really?! ok!"
And i jump on the bed and the porter pushes the bed along the corridor with me on it. I'm laughing away, kicking me legs, having a good giggle.
I jump off and take the back entrance to the unit. At least there's still reason to laugh.
Just like glass, with no ring
Sexy sexy made up of plexi disasters
Pushing and pulling conservative rolling
Unlike plastic, easier to see through
Just like glass with no ring
Softer and sadder you sing
Sexy sexy do your thing
Learn to be shy and then you can sting
Plexi, plexi bend don't shatter
Once your broken shape won't matter
Friday, May 20, 2011
I jog, i run, i hurt
I have been jogging for the last few weeks pretty intensely- i've been running on and off all year since august, but recently it's been 4 times a week, 3 mile jogs. My best for 3 miles is 40 minutes. On a bad day i walk the route and it's slightly less than an hour.
Slow, but considering i dont run, that's pretty decent me thinks.
And i throw in about 50 suburi and some yoga stretches this makes it to a 90 minute exercise thing. Sometimes. When im motivated and didn't smoke too much.
I kinda do do it because i wanna lose weight, but i do it more because it give me a sense of achievement i cant get from work or other aspects of my life.
But now im tired. My legs ache, my knees burn and i get calf cramps. Im soooo tired. All the time.
They say i look better for it and truth is, i feel better for all the running. I look forward to it most days- i've toned the intensity down the last few days, i've been so tired i've not been able to do much in the evenings.
I am desperate for a distraction in life- something to look forward to at the end of a long day at work that is not food, a jog or music. I need a pet. Something to love, yo. Something that would love me back (it's slightly frustrating feeling lonely in a room full of people and having only a 6 inch high soft-as-anything purple hippo named Jeffrey to cuddle).
I have no idea what this song means- but the sexy french man drinks from jars too!!!
Slow, but considering i dont run, that's pretty decent me thinks.
And i throw in about 50 suburi and some yoga stretches this makes it to a 90 minute exercise thing. Sometimes. When im motivated and didn't smoke too much.
I kinda do do it because i wanna lose weight, but i do it more because it give me a sense of achievement i cant get from work or other aspects of my life.
But now im tired. My legs ache, my knees burn and i get calf cramps. Im soooo tired. All the time.
They say i look better for it and truth is, i feel better for all the running. I look forward to it most days- i've toned the intensity down the last few days, i've been so tired i've not been able to do much in the evenings.
I am desperate for a distraction in life- something to look forward to at the end of a long day at work that is not food, a jog or music. I need a pet. Something to love, yo. Something that would love me back (it's slightly frustrating feeling lonely in a room full of people and having only a 6 inch high soft-as-anything purple hippo named Jeffrey to cuddle).
I have no idea what this song means- but the sexy french man drinks from jars too!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hurt
If it's all in my head, how am i going to fix it? What if the problem is me; that i am flawed, broken?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Cry movie
I laughed at you when you said you cried while watching shutter island. I thought my dad was a silly sap for crying during Khabi kushi Khabi gam (dont judge) and titanic.
I cried at the ending of The Japanese Wife.
It broke my heart yo.
The premise is a little cringe-worthy and improbable; but the art of enjoying a film is in immersing oneself in it and suspending belief/rational thought/sense for 2 hours.
***spoiler alert***
A man in a village in india decides to marry his pen-friend in japan. Via post. The movie is told by a narrative reading their letters, written in halting English. They can't have a proper conversation via the telephone- they struggle to understand each other's accent and he doesn't have a telephone in his house. He calls her from the local IDD centre in town. She sends him a silver ring with her name engraved on it as a wedding band and he sends her kum-kum powder and wedding bangles.
They write to each other for 17 years. They never meet. They stay loyal.
She gets cancer, he sends her vedic herbs through the post. He catches pneumonia during the monsoon and dies through lack of antibiotics. She survives chemo and in the end travels to his village- wearing a widow's white and the bangles he sent her.
Why did i well up? Cos the universe isn't fair. There is no happy ending. These two people didn't get a break. I cried for love unfulfilled, love unrequited and lack of basic medical care. People should not die from lack of antibiotics.
It's a beautiful film, well acted, story well told.
So i'm a soppy romantic at heart- you probably knew that already.
I cried at the ending of The Japanese Wife.
It broke my heart yo.
The premise is a little cringe-worthy and improbable; but the art of enjoying a film is in immersing oneself in it and suspending belief/rational thought/sense for 2 hours.
***spoiler alert***
A man in a village in india decides to marry his pen-friend in japan. Via post. The movie is told by a narrative reading their letters, written in halting English. They can't have a proper conversation via the telephone- they struggle to understand each other's accent and he doesn't have a telephone in his house. He calls her from the local IDD centre in town. She sends him a silver ring with her name engraved on it as a wedding band and he sends her kum-kum powder and wedding bangles.
They write to each other for 17 years. They never meet. They stay loyal.
She gets cancer, he sends her vedic herbs through the post. He catches pneumonia during the monsoon and dies through lack of antibiotics. She survives chemo and in the end travels to his village- wearing a widow's white and the bangles he sent her.
Why did i well up? Cos the universe isn't fair. There is no happy ending. These two people didn't get a break. I cried for love unfulfilled, love unrequited and lack of basic medical care. People should not die from lack of antibiotics.
It's a beautiful film, well acted, story well told.
So i'm a soppy romantic at heart- you probably knew that already.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Oh dear
I hate change.
I dont deal well.
I need a brain transplant- i feel so stupid at my job.
Ok, ok. need to get act together.
I wonder, will I survive a zombie apocalypse....?
I dont deal well.
I need a brain transplant- i feel so stupid at my job.
Ok, ok. need to get act together.
I wonder, will I survive a zombie apocalypse....?
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Oliver Peoples make the best ads ever. And the glasses aren't bad either.
A perfect start to a lazy weekend morning.
I have a duck to roast and accompaniment to make, parents to call and an audit to get to work on, but listening to this, i can relax for awhile.
Dreamy.
It doesn't even matter that my neck hurts like a bitch from Kendo.
I have a duck to roast and accompaniment to make, parents to call and an audit to get to work on, but listening to this, i can relax for awhile.
Dreamy.
It doesn't even matter that my neck hurts like a bitch from Kendo.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
that lasted a minute. im back to being sad.
Some songs sing it as it is.
Now, to find a song that describes now around me people are living the dream as i slowly die of boredoom.
anyone can tell you there’s no more road to ride
everyone will tell you there’s no place to hide
there’s no laws or rules to enchain your life
but the ones who didn’t make it,
the ones who couldn’t take it,
so glad they made it out alive
everyone loves the fun
everyone comes by
in the wind I crunch, I want to die
they can give me pills
or let me drink my fill
the heart wants to explode
far away where nobody knows
do you believe she said that?
do you believe she said that?
I said I hate myself and I want to die.
half of it is innocent
the other half is wise
the whole damn thing makes no sense
I wish I could tell you a lie
hey, come here
let me whisper in your ear
I hate myself and I want to die.
do you believe she said that?
can you believe she repeated that?
I said, I hate me myself and I
said I hate myself and I want to die
Now, to find a song that describes now around me people are living the dream as i slowly die of boredoom.
anyone can tell you there’s no more road to ride
everyone will tell you there’s no place to hide
there’s no laws or rules to enchain your life
but the ones who didn’t make it,
the ones who couldn’t take it,
so glad they made it out alive
everyone loves the fun
everyone comes by
in the wind I crunch, I want to die
they can give me pills
or let me drink my fill
the heart wants to explode
far away where nobody knows
do you believe she said that?
do you believe she said that?
I said I hate myself and I want to die.
half of it is innocent
the other half is wise
the whole damn thing makes no sense
I wish I could tell you a lie
hey, come here
let me whisper in your ear
I hate myself and I want to die.
do you believe she said that?
can you believe she repeated that?
I said, I hate me myself and I
said I hate myself and I want to die
i need to be in work in 15 minutes
But i have to tell you about that night.
There was drinking, there was lots of it; but i have never had no memory; absolute total blackness with no recollection of what happened.
I came home with no shoes and no handbag. I lost my iphone and my favourite lipstick and lipgloss. I lost my visa card.
My friends lost me for hours. I actually disappeared.
I have bruises i cannot account for.
This is the last time i will speak of it, because it haunts me that i lost all control. I was not myself at all. I don't remember a thing.
There was drinking, there was lots of it; but i have never had no memory; absolute total blackness with no recollection of what happened.
I came home with no shoes and no handbag. I lost my iphone and my favourite lipstick and lipgloss. I lost my visa card.
My friends lost me for hours. I actually disappeared.
I have bruises i cannot account for.
This is the last time i will speak of it, because it haunts me that i lost all control. I was not myself at all. I don't remember a thing.
Friday, March 25, 2011
7 deadly sins: Envy
I'm down with another bout of tonsilitis; i should really get those buggers out but i know what they do to you when you're under. Plus, im too obese for regular theater tables so until i lose weight sufficiently im gonna have to soldier on and get over these infections. Bloody immune system-get working!
But i digress from the main issue.
Envy. There's this hadith (i can't verify it, but i like it, so im gonna use it): “Avoid envy, for envy devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel.”
"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Oh how i covet. I drown in envy- i wallow in it.
I feel happy for them, im glad that fortune smiles upon them, but God help me, i can't help but hate them, a little bit. I want what they have.
I agonise over how they have what i want, what i lack. Sometimes there is even flares of petty meaness- i am needlessly harsh; i do things to subtly lash back at the unfairness of the world. And the victims are my friends, the people i envy are the people i love.
How can someone have so much when i have so little. How things come so easy for some people- how is it that something so easy and ordinary for them is difficult and impossible for me?
What a terrible human being i must be to hate someone for their good fortune- the envy makes my soul ugly. It's stained with schadenfreude, anger and petty envy. I think all my good karma has probably gone down the drain because i live with so much hate and unhappiness.
It's a evil cycle i cant quit.
My life sucks
and
Their life rocks, kicks ass, full of fucking fireworks
and
I watch their lives
and
Green eyed monster rears its head
and
Envy makes me a bitter unhappy person
thus we are back to
My life sucks.
FML
This one's from the holy book
"And do not covet what we bestowed upon any other people. Such are temporary ornaments of this life, whereby we put them to the test. What your Lord provides for you is far better, and everlasting."
But i digress from the main issue.
Envy. There's this hadith (i can't verify it, but i like it, so im gonna use it): “Avoid envy, for envy devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel.”
"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Oh how i covet. I drown in envy- i wallow in it.
I feel happy for them, im glad that fortune smiles upon them, but God help me, i can't help but hate them, a little bit. I want what they have.
I agonise over how they have what i want, what i lack. Sometimes there is even flares of petty meaness- i am needlessly harsh; i do things to subtly lash back at the unfairness of the world. And the victims are my friends, the people i envy are the people i love.
How can someone have so much when i have so little. How things come so easy for some people- how is it that something so easy and ordinary for them is difficult and impossible for me?
What a terrible human being i must be to hate someone for their good fortune- the envy makes my soul ugly. It's stained with schadenfreude, anger and petty envy. I think all my good karma has probably gone down the drain because i live with so much hate and unhappiness.
It's a evil cycle i cant quit.
My life sucks
and
Their life rocks, kicks ass, full of fucking fireworks
and
I watch their lives
and
Green eyed monster rears its head
and
Envy makes me a bitter unhappy person
thus we are back to
My life sucks.
FML
This one's from the holy book
"And do not covet what we bestowed upon any other people. Such are temporary ornaments of this life, whereby we put them to the test. What your Lord provides for you is far better, and everlasting."
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Fat day
Surgeons are harsh on fat people.
I have heard consultants comment that "they always get the one tonne house officer" and everyone take the piss on fatties all the time.
I can't help but think they are talking about me.
It is silly that i think im too fat and ugly to be doing surgery?
I have heard consultants comment that "they always get the one tonne house officer" and everyone take the piss on fatties all the time.
I can't help but think they are talking about me.
It is silly that i think im too fat and ugly to be doing surgery?
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