Banged up and lonely

I came back from france yesterday.

I fell of a boat, a bicycle and into abject loneliness.

Was saved in paris by a friend. Who, in spite of everything, is still a friend.

I have the oddest tan lines, there is a leaf shaped light area on my chest where my pendant sits.

I start 5th year tomorrow, so help me god.

Notes on life

1. i passed exams. Thank you God and all those who prayed for me.

2. Mother thinks im fat. Need to get back on the crazy exercise and restraining. Thinspo: on!

3. All my summer work plans are going down the toilet.

Internal debate

A part of me thinks you should really just have the balls to say fuck all and do what you want. That's the part of me that's selfish but bold and strong.

But then, im also proud that you decided to put the needs of another ahead of yours. How selfless and grown-up. What a mighty-good-man thing to do (im not being sarcastic, ok). That's my considerate, thoughtful side.

And then the truly evil side of me thinks: am i the cause for worry? Tee hee......i kinda makes me feel wicked, in a good naughty way.

Either ways im fucked.

A suicide classic: Alone again, naturally. Ok, it's a little extreme for the circumstances, but who do you turn to when it all goes bad- classic sad music and movies and maybe cigarettes, booze and chocolate. Chocolate will always love you- a dangerous, possesive love, for no one else loves a fatty.