Archive-July 10
Football-new love, new obsession or just a month long fling?-The world cup's over. Im glad Italy won, although i thought maybe France should've won, just to give the old horses a glorious exit. I'm partially miffed at Argentina's fairly early exit, and Brazilian's sad lost of form. I guess you can have too much of a good thing. Portugal did pretty well for themselves-kinda hoped they could've got a gold star this year....well....Italy's team was yummy, so was Spain....There's this joke that i should date the whole team....and after the terrible defeat i suppose they all need some cheering up...heheheh...all good....But that aside, watching football alone at 3 o'clock in the morning is not as fun as watching football at 8 in the evening while enjoying dinner and cheering on (or booing off) the teams playing with other ppl. Half time is especially perfect for running up and getting dessert (usually ice-cream) outta the freezer. I dont have amazing stamina, and i am a girl who like her sleep in good amounts, and so the watching games at 3 o'clock in the morning really tests my staying up ability. I tend to fall asleep if there are no exciting bits and i float in and outta sleep while in my head im screaming at myself to wake up. even with the finals i watched till half time and tend fell asleep. I blame my mom-she saw me nodding off on the floor so she threw me a pillow-bless her. I spent the night on the floor in front of the TV...missing the Zidane sending off and the penalties....
I've just started this liking football. I used to hate the sport. No real reason why-just didnt like it. But it all began with Kaka. and Fabregas. The cutest players ever. And if there's one thing that gets eliza's attention it's cute, fit men. So thus it began. Cos the fact that the boys i hang with are all major football fans and are keen to spread the love-i started watching. Champion's league semi's and finals. I actually also liked the whole social feel of watching football-hanging with friends, having drinks, and just screaming at ppl at the screen to run!!! Good fun....
And then it began....i started watching matches, and matches provided well needed respite (and distraction)from studying. Instead of studying for end-of-years i'd watch a game or 2 instead. That's about 3 hours...But it's resting...and socializing....
I'm not sure how long the love of football will last. With the world cup over, it's like a real drop. All that build-up of excitement and i fell asleep at the second half. Geesh. I better not get started on the premiership. That'll screw up all my studying here on.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Archive-July 10
I've been bad again-Here i am. Exams over-that shall be detailed in a future blog. At the moment the wounds are just coming together, and i wont risk feeling sad all over again. From that line you can guess how the exams went. I've been horrid since the exams. I've missed prayers, been absolutely lazy and staunchly refusing to pack. My room is an absolute tip, i've not done any shopping for anyone. And i've lost a boy to a beautiful friend. Friends more like it. No one is interested in me, just my gorgeous, lovely, friendly friends. Im just annoying. That hurts to a certain extent. That im generally ignored in favour of my prettier, thinner, chattier friends. It's like im in the room, and they're all talking, and im just like a piece of furniture. Just there, no attention given at all. I guess it's cos im boring, and have since gone all quiet and shy. Im not sure if it's cos im just boring, or the fact that im fat or ugly....I think i make ok conversation.well......i should stop whining..........
I've been bad again-Here i am. Exams over-that shall be detailed in a future blog. At the moment the wounds are just coming together, and i wont risk feeling sad all over again. From that line you can guess how the exams went. I've been horrid since the exams. I've missed prayers, been absolutely lazy and staunchly refusing to pack. My room is an absolute tip, i've not done any shopping for anyone. And i've lost a boy to a beautiful friend. Friends more like it. No one is interested in me, just my gorgeous, lovely, friendly friends. Im just annoying. That hurts to a certain extent. That im generally ignored in favour of my prettier, thinner, chattier friends. It's like im in the room, and they're all talking, and im just like a piece of furniture. Just there, no attention given at all. I guess it's cos im boring, and have since gone all quiet and shy. Im not sure if it's cos im just boring, or the fact that im fat or ugly....I think i make ok conversation.well......i should stop whining..........
Archive-June 20
Follow you into the dark:
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son, fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
-follow you into the dark, death cab for cutie-
It's a beautiful song, it breaks my heart and yet makes me feel glad. That there are people out there who love so much, with all their souls. And yet i feel sad because they die, and they spend eternity in emptiness. But it's never empty when you've got someone with you, no? And there, im glad again. It's a song that embraces the reality of life, that it all ends one day; but dying is not an end, it's just another beginning. It's not all blackness, but that's another story.
Follow you into the dark:
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son, fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
-follow you into the dark, death cab for cutie-
It's a beautiful song, it breaks my heart and yet makes me feel glad. That there are people out there who love so much, with all their souls. And yet i feel sad because they die, and they spend eternity in emptiness. But it's never empty when you've got someone with you, no? And there, im glad again. It's a song that embraces the reality of life, that it all ends one day; but dying is not an end, it's just another beginning. It's not all blackness, but that's another story.
Archive-June 16
Dreams-i've been having the wierdest dreams lately. They're all a bit scary and frightening in a surreal way. Worst of all, i sometimes cant tell it's a dream. I know the dreams are not prophetic because i dont sleep well nowadays. I get these vivid dreams when i take naps-i usually just lie in half my bed and cuddle under a blanket. I stare at the wall/ceiling and i try to rest. I mull over work or how i should work and then my eyes slowly shut. My conciousness fights it though-im not suppose to fall asleep, i'm just resting....And this turmoil goes on, and it just manifest in the wierd imagery of my dreams.
usually the dreams begin simply and usually it's some kind of adventure and travel. I dont remember them exactly, but they leave impressions. The feel and look of the dreams are usually like B-grade horror/adventure flicks. Think along the lines of scream, the rocky horror show and tequila body shots. I've been watching too many late night HBO filler films. It's a wonder why these crappy movies leave such an imprint in my brain that my brain decided to re-enact my deepest darkest thoughts and fears in such a setting. It's my fault. I was reading dark gothic short stories before i slept (the first time). I take many short sleeps nowadays and wake up telling myself to work...even getting up and going to the loo, washing my face and sitting at my table. Then the front of my head becomes very tense and very heavy and my eyes just want to close. Then i relent and crawl to bed, telling myself it'll just be 5 minutes. It never is. And then i dream.
Anyway-yeah, the recent dream i just woke up from felt like 'tales from the crypt' + 'rocky horror show' set in the backgroud of STP's sour girl video. You know, a telly tubby's set but darker and rougher. There was lots of running, meeting wierd people and more than normal no. of people in red baywatch swimsuits. And also white greek priestess outfits. It's really like a B-grade movie. Oh, and add 'Mar's attacks' as an influence too. the world was being attacked, and i was in a country and running away with the leader of the country (some chick in white greek priestess dress). We got split up halfway when we attacked- when we had to run, split up and hide. The attackers/shooters were human-there was a scene where i was hiding in a shed and i saw the exact face of a person peering at me through the window of the shed. The person winked, smiled and didnt give me away. He just ignored my presence. They did however break down the shed. I managed to hide under some transport vehicle but had to follw the enemy troops to another place. Desert like, with sparse, tall bushes with a romanesque pillars standing out of the ground. I ran away and met people (non-army) in this new place. They were still in white greek dresses, and so i knew they were good (i didnt know why i thought that-but i did...). Anyway, from there we appeared in this colourful terrace house in what it looks like English Surburbia in summer. The people we met there were leaders of other countries (must be some safehouse). There was a bruce-willis lookalike (as not why....i dont know either) and the first greek white-dress person i met. They figured out to beat the army and having deep discussions. I wasnt involved and was wandering around in this oddly colourful and airy english terrace house. Pulling aside the curtains i saw outside these people in red baywatch swimsuits sorta coming into the lawn by sorta pulling down the fence of the lawn (so that rather than being perpendicular to the ground it becomes parallel) and then crawled in from underneath.
Then i woke up. Groggy and cursing myself for oversleeping again.
It's too wierd. i wont even bother interpretating it. But now i will only read happy stories before i go to sleep. And i will decide to sleep-no more 5 minute break thingies anymore. Creepy....
Dreams-i've been having the wierdest dreams lately. They're all a bit scary and frightening in a surreal way. Worst of all, i sometimes cant tell it's a dream. I know the dreams are not prophetic because i dont sleep well nowadays. I get these vivid dreams when i take naps-i usually just lie in half my bed and cuddle under a blanket. I stare at the wall/ceiling and i try to rest. I mull over work or how i should work and then my eyes slowly shut. My conciousness fights it though-im not suppose to fall asleep, i'm just resting....And this turmoil goes on, and it just manifest in the wierd imagery of my dreams.
usually the dreams begin simply and usually it's some kind of adventure and travel. I dont remember them exactly, but they leave impressions. The feel and look of the dreams are usually like B-grade horror/adventure flicks. Think along the lines of scream, the rocky horror show and tequila body shots. I've been watching too many late night HBO filler films. It's a wonder why these crappy movies leave such an imprint in my brain that my brain decided to re-enact my deepest darkest thoughts and fears in such a setting. It's my fault. I was reading dark gothic short stories before i slept (the first time). I take many short sleeps nowadays and wake up telling myself to work...even getting up and going to the loo, washing my face and sitting at my table. Then the front of my head becomes very tense and very heavy and my eyes just want to close. Then i relent and crawl to bed, telling myself it'll just be 5 minutes. It never is. And then i dream.
Anyway-yeah, the recent dream i just woke up from felt like 'tales from the crypt' + 'rocky horror show' set in the backgroud of STP's sour girl video. You know, a telly tubby's set but darker and rougher. There was lots of running, meeting wierd people and more than normal no. of people in red baywatch swimsuits. And also white greek priestess outfits. It's really like a B-grade movie. Oh, and add 'Mar's attacks' as an influence too. the world was being attacked, and i was in a country and running away with the leader of the country (some chick in white greek priestess dress). We got split up halfway when we attacked- when we had to run, split up and hide. The attackers/shooters were human-there was a scene where i was hiding in a shed and i saw the exact face of a person peering at me through the window of the shed. The person winked, smiled and didnt give me away. He just ignored my presence. They did however break down the shed. I managed to hide under some transport vehicle but had to follw the enemy troops to another place. Desert like, with sparse, tall bushes with a romanesque pillars standing out of the ground. I ran away and met people (non-army) in this new place. They were still in white greek dresses, and so i knew they were good (i didnt know why i thought that-but i did...). Anyway, from there we appeared in this colourful terrace house in what it looks like English Surburbia in summer. The people we met there were leaders of other countries (must be some safehouse). There was a bruce-willis lookalike (as not why....i dont know either) and the first greek white-dress person i met. They figured out to beat the army and having deep discussions. I wasnt involved and was wandering around in this oddly colourful and airy english terrace house. Pulling aside the curtains i saw outside these people in red baywatch swimsuits sorta coming into the lawn by sorta pulling down the fence of the lawn (so that rather than being perpendicular to the ground it becomes parallel) and then crawled in from underneath.
Then i woke up. Groggy and cursing myself for oversleeping again.
It's too wierd. i wont even bother interpretating it. But now i will only read happy stories before i go to sleep. And i will decide to sleep-no more 5 minute break thingies anymore. Creepy....
Archive-June 15
Im convinced-A few self obssesed observations that will always start with "i'm convinced that....":
1. Everyone else is happier than me
2. All the other girls are prettier
3. I'm suffering from premature ageing
4. i'll never lose any weight
5. I'll be fat forever!!!!no!!!
6. I forgot how to have fun
7. people get thin and productive when stressed. I get fat and lazy
8. i might suffer from a degenerative brain disease that causes me to forget stuff i've learned.
9. Boys dont like me, at all. All my life, cant for the life of me figure out why. Can i get an explanation, please?
10. I secrete a chemoattractant for beautiful, successful, lovely girls. Im surrounded by them- most of them are my friends. I cant hate them, but there is secret envy
11. I have no social skills
12. I am not charming or remotely cute
13. I am losing my mind and my ability to structure sentences into words
14. I have tunnel vision and cannot see anything beyond myself.
15. I am a useless, whiny person who needs to get some perspective
Im convinced-A few self obssesed observations that will always start with "i'm convinced that....":
1. Everyone else is happier than me
2. All the other girls are prettier
3. I'm suffering from premature ageing
4. i'll never lose any weight
5. I'll be fat forever!!!!no!!!
6. I forgot how to have fun
7. people get thin and productive when stressed. I get fat and lazy
8. i might suffer from a degenerative brain disease that causes me to forget stuff i've learned.
9. Boys dont like me, at all. All my life, cant for the life of me figure out why. Can i get an explanation, please?
10. I secrete a chemoattractant for beautiful, successful, lovely girls. Im surrounded by them- most of them are my friends. I cant hate them, but there is secret envy
11. I have no social skills
12. I am not charming or remotely cute
13. I am losing my mind and my ability to structure sentences into words
14. I have tunnel vision and cannot see anything beyond myself.
15. I am a useless, whiny person who needs to get some perspective
Archive-June 11I
Been busy-I've been busy and i've abandoned this space for quite a bit. Just a quick update on what's up
-i'm losing my mind with studying. I'm worried sick i cant go through what more remember everything in time
-I'm gaining weight again. The sudden lack of exercise and revision-assocciated comfort eating is packing up the pounds...arghh!!!
-I've donned a lead suit...?!!
-i've had a crush...totally unattainable, but nevertheless gorgeous....
-Been so busy and am absolutely knackered
-have started hisrok for the uptenth time
-missed the mara talk today-honestly forgot
-almost asphyxiated myself cos flatmate left onion rings in oven for 2 hours
-tanned quite well
-trying to study
-having fitter, happier, smarter friends scare the shit outta me
-won maximo park tix....on the 14th, suicide or what?
ah, things are a bit messy now. will try to figure things out soon. toodles
Been busy-I've been busy and i've abandoned this space for quite a bit. Just a quick update on what's up
-i'm losing my mind with studying. I'm worried sick i cant go through what more remember everything in time
-I'm gaining weight again. The sudden lack of exercise and revision-assocciated comfort eating is packing up the pounds...arghh!!!
-I've donned a lead suit...?!!
-i've had a crush...totally unattainable, but nevertheless gorgeous....
-Been so busy and am absolutely knackered
-have started hisrok for the uptenth time
-missed the mara talk today-honestly forgot
-almost asphyxiated myself cos flatmate left onion rings in oven for 2 hours
-tanned quite well
-trying to study
-having fitter, happier, smarter friends scare the shit outta me
-won maximo park tix....on the 14th, suicide or what?
ah, things are a bit messy now. will try to figure things out soon. toodles
Archive-June 4
Hmmm...............-It's late and i havent been studying at all. A lot of excitement comes in at the busiest times. SSMs has been amazing-there's so much to learn and do in so little time. The rowing AGM was not as horrific as expected, but i didnt have the time of my life....The outfit worked out well though, for that i am glad. Pictures didnt come out as well as i hoped, but there's a decent one in there somewhere. Am very tired. I have to learn to survive on little sleep-it's an acquired skill that i have to nurture. At the moment i'll get by for a few days on little sleep, then i sleep a whopping 8 hours over the weekend. I cant afford the luxury now. I have to be a hermit that doesnt sleep. quiet, contemplative and strong.
Wha's bothering me is that i dont think anymore. I stop having opinions and ideas, i just blank out and sit dazed through conversations. I have vague notions of what i want things to be, but cannot articulate them. I find it disturbing cos i used to be so vocal and loud. Am i losing it? There's a constant dull pain over my right eyebrow and i cant spell or read very well anymore. Is it just a phase or is this an early sign of some degenerative disease? Or am i just going stupid?
Hmmm...............-It's late and i havent been studying at all. A lot of excitement comes in at the busiest times. SSMs has been amazing-there's so much to learn and do in so little time. The rowing AGM was not as horrific as expected, but i didnt have the time of my life....The outfit worked out well though, for that i am glad. Pictures didnt come out as well as i hoped, but there's a decent one in there somewhere. Am very tired. I have to learn to survive on little sleep-it's an acquired skill that i have to nurture. At the moment i'll get by for a few days on little sleep, then i sleep a whopping 8 hours over the weekend. I cant afford the luxury now. I have to be a hermit that doesnt sleep. quiet, contemplative and strong.
Wha's bothering me is that i dont think anymore. I stop having opinions and ideas, i just blank out and sit dazed through conversations. I have vague notions of what i want things to be, but cannot articulate them. I find it disturbing cos i used to be so vocal and loud. Am i losing it? There's a constant dull pain over my right eyebrow and i cant spell or read very well anymore. Is it just a phase or is this an early sign of some degenerative disease? Or am i just going stupid?
Friday, July 14, 2006
Archive May 31
I Love S.S.M (single sexy men)-Hahahah....I think that should be made into a badge for all students on SSM- all those who share the love of SSM can get one..hehheheheh
This all came about yesterday with Palvi and Asma' while we were on our way to go see X-men 3. It was such a good movie-definately a change of style and plot. I like the way the characters became more complex, but didnt quite know why so many people had to die.... i lurve Wolverine. Ely's right, i do like men with animal magnetism and raw sexuality. And Carole would just say i have a thing for violent men. I have to start liking decent, lovely types. Yeah, i really should.
I Love S.S.M (single sexy men)-Hahahah....I think that should be made into a badge for all students on SSM- all those who share the love of SSM can get one..hehheheheh
This all came about yesterday with Palvi and Asma' while we were on our way to go see X-men 3. It was such a good movie-definately a change of style and plot. I like the way the characters became more complex, but didnt quite know why so many people had to die.... i lurve Wolverine. Ely's right, i do like men with animal magnetism and raw sexuality. And Carole would just say i have a thing for violent men. I have to start liking decent, lovely types. Yeah, i really should.
archive may 29 (later in the day)
The Art of Matchmaking-Well, i've got it in my head ages ago that matchmaking should be something i dabble in, after all, it does make people happy, and that's what i'd love to do. Unfortunately, my success rate is at a lame 0.3. why 0.3 you ask? Well, the pair i predicted in highschool will be married to each other have started talking to each other again. Which is a relief- i was thinking my prophecy was never gonna come to pass when those two fell out after highschool. But i did predict theirs is gonna be a discovery that after all this time, they are meant for each other. They have a forty pact. I plan to see it thru, maybe even before they're forty. That and i must find someone for shazzers. She's a little quirky, but there's a lot of things about her to love. Me thinks there may be a romance blossoming from across the channel, but i'm too unsure to intervene directly. He wont say, she wont say. We'll see what the summer brings-maybe getting stuck on a mountain together will set a spark? I sure hope so-my ratings are gonna suffer if i dont show some results soon.
This all came about on the tube today when i mentioned there might be a glimmer of a spark between these two ppl i keep on seeing together. She's a lovely, soft spoken girl who puts it all into her work and he's a nice, friendly kinda guy who hangs around her a lot. They see quite a bit of each other -me thinks that they may have something going on.....but no, instantly was told by two guys that the pair had no 'potential'. What's 'potential'? i read an article in newsweek once on matchmakers, and many argue its no longer an art, but more of a complex science. Compatibility tests, ratings and profiles now determine what's a good match- like on all of those website thingies. And more people are relying on them too, wonder why? Maybe it's because we wanna expand our choices, maybe we're more selective, maybe we wanna make things easier. To a certain extent, true, it sorta does filter out the totally uncompatible and 'not my types'. Then we list 'potentials'.What is it- is it shared likes, hobbies, jobs, pets, favourite colours? Is it opposites or complimentaries? what should be opposite and what should be complimentary? i wonder...When i figure it out my ratings as a matchmaker will skyrocket, im sure.
But im old-fashion and romantic when it comes to my matchmaking. I rarely use any common sense- i use imagination, wishes, hopes and a lot of positive thinking. Oh, and i believe in magic, sparks and fireworks. Perhaps even a boat and a high speed chase somewhere in exotic cities.
Yeah, i know-most couples i know that hack it out and live it out are rarely music and dances. It's usually gritty and messy or plain and boring. But what makes it work, what gives them 'potential'?
First requirement is probably physical attraction. Well, yeah, it helps if they're both fit and hot, but more importantly i think they must have something about each other they're pulled to. Maybe its's the eyes, or the smile or the way they hold themselves...You know, something to sorta make you look and go 'whoa'.
Secondly i suppose it's chemistry. See, this one is a bit hard to predict. A bit like cooking-it's the right balance that's needed. A balance of flavours, not too much of one, and not too little of another. Flavours compliment and can even make up for another. Different flavours help define and create a wholesome dish. With the spicy must be a touch of sweetness and with bitter there must be a bit of salt. You know, sweet chilli, cheese and onion, salt and vinegar kinda thing- crisps, who knew them as matchmaking philosophy........ Chemistry cant be predicted unless you know each of the pair well, and even then, it may get nasty. Not all experiments worked in chemistry, did they? Yeah, so this is touch and go kinda thing. The most interesting part and most volatile one. So far i usually try andd matchmake friends who already know each other who seem like they have chemistry so i cant say im any good at this. Im more of a 'oh, they get along well, seems like they like each other-lets shove them together in a small room and see what happens' kinda person. No, dont worry, i havent done that yet. Doubt it'll do ratings much good, but it roughly summarises my approach.
What's the third? im not sure....maybe it's practicality. Like yeah, sure magic romances are possible, by highly rare and therefore improbable. I find if romance is practical it has a higher chance of working. Not that non-practical ones dont work-just practical ones are easier. Pacticalities that come into play include: location, language, occupations, sleeping habits-you know, the drudgy stuff. Most pairs that make it arent usually all practical, but they make things work. They figure things out. They appease scary family members. They pay through the nose for phone calls, they change sleeping patterns. Whatever works....
So yeah, that's sorta my outline to matchmaking. Im crossing fingers and saying prayers wishing that my matched-up friends make it. I'm hoping for happiness, all the way. Still, i wont quit my day job.......
The Art of Matchmaking-Well, i've got it in my head ages ago that matchmaking should be something i dabble in, after all, it does make people happy, and that's what i'd love to do. Unfortunately, my success rate is at a lame 0.3. why 0.3 you ask? Well, the pair i predicted in highschool will be married to each other have started talking to each other again. Which is a relief- i was thinking my prophecy was never gonna come to pass when those two fell out after highschool. But i did predict theirs is gonna be a discovery that after all this time, they are meant for each other. They have a forty pact. I plan to see it thru, maybe even before they're forty. That and i must find someone for shazzers. She's a little quirky, but there's a lot of things about her to love. Me thinks there may be a romance blossoming from across the channel, but i'm too unsure to intervene directly. He wont say, she wont say. We'll see what the summer brings-maybe getting stuck on a mountain together will set a spark? I sure hope so-my ratings are gonna suffer if i dont show some results soon.
This all came about on the tube today when i mentioned there might be a glimmer of a spark between these two ppl i keep on seeing together. She's a lovely, soft spoken girl who puts it all into her work and he's a nice, friendly kinda guy who hangs around her a lot. They see quite a bit of each other -me thinks that they may have something going on.....but no, instantly was told by two guys that the pair had no 'potential'. What's 'potential'? i read an article in newsweek once on matchmakers, and many argue its no longer an art, but more of a complex science. Compatibility tests, ratings and profiles now determine what's a good match- like on all of those website thingies. And more people are relying on them too, wonder why? Maybe it's because we wanna expand our choices, maybe we're more selective, maybe we wanna make things easier. To a certain extent, true, it sorta does filter out the totally uncompatible and 'not my types'. Then we list 'potentials'.What is it- is it shared likes, hobbies, jobs, pets, favourite colours? Is it opposites or complimentaries? what should be opposite and what should be complimentary? i wonder...When i figure it out my ratings as a matchmaker will skyrocket, im sure.
But im old-fashion and romantic when it comes to my matchmaking. I rarely use any common sense- i use imagination, wishes, hopes and a lot of positive thinking. Oh, and i believe in magic, sparks and fireworks. Perhaps even a boat and a high speed chase somewhere in exotic cities.
Yeah, i know-most couples i know that hack it out and live it out are rarely music and dances. It's usually gritty and messy or plain and boring. But what makes it work, what gives them 'potential'?
First requirement is probably physical attraction. Well, yeah, it helps if they're both fit and hot, but more importantly i think they must have something about each other they're pulled to. Maybe its's the eyes, or the smile or the way they hold themselves...You know, something to sorta make you look and go 'whoa'.
Secondly i suppose it's chemistry. See, this one is a bit hard to predict. A bit like cooking-it's the right balance that's needed. A balance of flavours, not too much of one, and not too little of another. Flavours compliment and can even make up for another. Different flavours help define and create a wholesome dish. With the spicy must be a touch of sweetness and with bitter there must be a bit of salt. You know, sweet chilli, cheese and onion, salt and vinegar kinda thing- crisps, who knew them as matchmaking philosophy........ Chemistry cant be predicted unless you know each of the pair well, and even then, it may get nasty. Not all experiments worked in chemistry, did they? Yeah, so this is touch and go kinda thing. The most interesting part and most volatile one. So far i usually try andd matchmake friends who already know each other who seem like they have chemistry so i cant say im any good at this. Im more of a 'oh, they get along well, seems like they like each other-lets shove them together in a small room and see what happens' kinda person. No, dont worry, i havent done that yet. Doubt it'll do ratings much good, but it roughly summarises my approach.
What's the third? im not sure....maybe it's practicality. Like yeah, sure magic romances are possible, by highly rare and therefore improbable. I find if romance is practical it has a higher chance of working. Not that non-practical ones dont work-just practical ones are easier. Pacticalities that come into play include: location, language, occupations, sleeping habits-you know, the drudgy stuff. Most pairs that make it arent usually all practical, but they make things work. They figure things out. They appease scary family members. They pay through the nose for phone calls, they change sleeping patterns. Whatever works....
So yeah, that's sorta my outline to matchmaking. Im crossing fingers and saying prayers wishing that my matched-up friends make it. I'm hoping for happiness, all the way. Still, i wont quit my day job.......
Archive may 29
one bank holiday afternoon, this girl thought-I'm not fair to the people that love me, not at all. I just talked to one. I cant blame them though, im not exactly the easiest person to live with. Here's a prayer to those who care: bless you all. May you get more than what you give, let there always be a candle alight for you somewhere. Always feel safe and know that i love you too. Even though i never call. Never lose hope in me and have faith always.
Yeah, im rebounding well from the misery suffered during the bumps. My body's recovering quite well, no more muscle stiffness and the injuries are scabbing over well. All should heal soon. Even my hands are looking fairly normal although still rough (i now have farmer's hands). I'm keeping lessons learnt then in mind-will train over the summer to get it right next year. Emotionally im still scarred-am damned scared about the AGM on friday...why i have no idea-maybe it's just the dress
Let's describe the dress-it's a darkish blue-not navy, more cobalt blue but darker....It's crinkly material with bits of crochet at the edges and in horizontal lines across the dress. It's strappy-a bit too strappy for my liking but it looks nice when i wear it. It falls in soft folds just past my knees. Im gonna wear it with my torture golden heels (which now are scuffed terribly-but i can still get away with it, i think). Gonna bind my feet in loads of plasters before i go....Should survive though, although the two times iv'e worn these heels i've had to walk barefoot some distance on the way back. I cant believe i'd torture myself in the name of beauty-i've sunk that low....damn....Back to the outfit-i've figured out everything but the shrug. I'm thinking shrug, but the highstreet is saying go for cardigan. I think a shrug would be right, but i really dont want to go out shopping now. Been looking around, but so far nothing has caught my eye. When shopping for shrug, everything else looks attractive.Did i mention the cutest tank top i bought in Mango? It was too much to pay for a tank top, but i love it. Too bad it's too low cut and just a wee bit too small- i love it anyway....
Really shouldnt shop today-Rather study and then gym. Planning to gym about 6. Probably do an hour-im so lazy nowadays. Been dodging my trainer for weeks....i smile sheepishly when i see him and scoot away pronto....
talking about pronto-must study pronto....hypersensitivities calls to be understood.
one bank holiday afternoon, this girl thought-I'm not fair to the people that love me, not at all. I just talked to one. I cant blame them though, im not exactly the easiest person to live with. Here's a prayer to those who care: bless you all. May you get more than what you give, let there always be a candle alight for you somewhere. Always feel safe and know that i love you too. Even though i never call. Never lose hope in me and have faith always.
Yeah, im rebounding well from the misery suffered during the bumps. My body's recovering quite well, no more muscle stiffness and the injuries are scabbing over well. All should heal soon. Even my hands are looking fairly normal although still rough (i now have farmer's hands). I'm keeping lessons learnt then in mind-will train over the summer to get it right next year. Emotionally im still scarred-am damned scared about the AGM on friday...why i have no idea-maybe it's just the dress
Let's describe the dress-it's a darkish blue-not navy, more cobalt blue but darker....It's crinkly material with bits of crochet at the edges and in horizontal lines across the dress. It's strappy-a bit too strappy for my liking but it looks nice when i wear it. It falls in soft folds just past my knees. Im gonna wear it with my torture golden heels (which now are scuffed terribly-but i can still get away with it, i think). Gonna bind my feet in loads of plasters before i go....Should survive though, although the two times iv'e worn these heels i've had to walk barefoot some distance on the way back. I cant believe i'd torture myself in the name of beauty-i've sunk that low....damn....Back to the outfit-i've figured out everything but the shrug. I'm thinking shrug, but the highstreet is saying go for cardigan. I think a shrug would be right, but i really dont want to go out shopping now. Been looking around, but so far nothing has caught my eye. When shopping for shrug, everything else looks attractive.Did i mention the cutest tank top i bought in Mango? It was too much to pay for a tank top, but i love it. Too bad it's too low cut and just a wee bit too small- i love it anyway....
Really shouldnt shop today-Rather study and then gym. Planning to gym about 6. Probably do an hour-im so lazy nowadays. Been dodging my trainer for weeks....i smile sheepishly when i see him and scoot away pronto....
talking about pronto-must study pronto....hypersensitivities calls to be understood.
Archive May 28 later
A Success-The roast was a success!!! It turned out well-done, yummy and the veg were just the thing to go with lamb......However i charred my sweet potatoes, so that's a bit sad....Other tha that all went well. I bought pink shoes -flat leather pumps with slim bows in front. Very typical, but it was cheap and i thought i better get leather rather than plasticky stuff though it was slighty prettier...Got a perfect necklace for the dress too-bronze and gold beads at different lengths. Now all i need is that shrug......
A Success-The roast was a success!!! It turned out well-done, yummy and the veg were just the thing to go with lamb......However i charred my sweet potatoes, so that's a bit sad....Other tha that all went well. I bought pink shoes -flat leather pumps with slim bows in front. Very typical, but it was cheap and i thought i better get leather rather than plasticky stuff though it was slighty prettier...Got a perfect necklace for the dress too-bronze and gold beads at different lengths. Now all i need is that shrug......
Archive may 28
Early morning thoughts-A dreamless sleep. Slept well again-and missed out precious studying time. Left my clothes in the machine too long, but it was safe in the end. Woke up with hope. Am gonna hold tight to it the whole day/week. The sun's shining bright and im still feeling warm from sleep. And my clothes are warm and soft from the dryer. I'm planning to make my first sunday roast today. A half leg of lamb is sitting quietly in the fridge, generously studded with garlic and covered in rosemary and oil. There's a host a veg to roast: sweet potatoes, aubergines, carrots, peppers and radishes. Ive never had radishes, so it'll be interesting. Gonna do a bit of shopping in an hour or two and gonna try and get a bit of genetics out of the way before that.
Early morning thoughts-A dreamless sleep. Slept well again-and missed out precious studying time. Left my clothes in the machine too long, but it was safe in the end. Woke up with hope. Am gonna hold tight to it the whole day/week. The sun's shining bright and im still feeling warm from sleep. And my clothes are warm and soft from the dryer. I'm planning to make my first sunday roast today. A half leg of lamb is sitting quietly in the fridge, generously studded with garlic and covered in rosemary and oil. There's a host a veg to roast: sweet potatoes, aubergines, carrots, peppers and radishes. Ive never had radishes, so it'll be interesting. Gonna do a bit of shopping in an hour or two and gonna try and get a bit of genetics out of the way before that.
Archive may 27
Late night ramblings-Tonight-today-the past three days were all a test. Really, there's a whole reason why bad things happen. Really. It's just up me to take in my stride and make the best of it. I like rowing-it forces me to be strong, it makes me feel a sense of belonging. However transient it doesnt matter. Being stroke gave me an injection of confidence. I thought i was strong enough. Thought being key word. Today my strength of mind, body and will gave in. I relented. I died out there on the water and failed my team. I let the whole team down. This feeling of guilt is so heavy on my conscience that i cant quite look any one of them in the eye. I dont even want to discuss rowing. Because really there was the person to blame. The fact is i failed. It's been a frightening pattern that's been holding up. I'm gonna carry the shame and the blame for a while still, at least for a year until i figure out how to regain some 'face' at the next bumps.The scorn and ridicule with which people looked at us with, the whispers, giggles and outright laughter really bothers me. No one takes us seriously. No one ever takes me seriously. Is it just i have imposed my personal failings on the team, or is the ridicule is actually directed at me alone and i'm thinking it's directed at the team? What's worst is not only other med. schools ridiculing us, but even our own senior teams. I find the events of today deeply disturbing. I had food chucked at me (not at all in a nice way). Ouch. With not a word of sorry, or a reference to a joke. Just chucked at the general direction of my head. Missed my head but hit my legs. Sakit hati tau tak. Sakit sangat hati....marah sangat-kite tak bodoh tau, kite pun ade perasan.....It's self pity that's leading on to anger. Anger can fuel, self pity rarely does. Must really make this work to my advantage. I cannot stand there and have people snigger at me. I have not been publically humiliated in a long time. Today, actually the past 3 days have felt like a nightmare-being humiliated in front of your peers and competitors. To be called nasty, horrible things and have people pity us. Patronizing, trying to spare our feelings. I know im shit. Tell me to my face-i can take it dammit!!!
Sebenarnya kalau ditanya sekarang saya amat malas untuk hadir ke perjumpaan agung pada jumaat depan. Dah tak anggup orang pandang semacam. Macam saya nie tak berguna lansung. Tapi duit sudah dikeluarkan, chek sudah ditandatangani. Bagaimana, oh bagaimana, sayang ku sayang? Berapa lama akan engkau cuba bertahan? You'll never be accepted, you've tried it all ur life, it hasnt worked yet, what make you think its gonna start now? You idiot, you'll never learn
I just wonder sometimes what i really feel. I can say two opposite feelings and mean both. I lack originality-i can only reflect what i know, have been told or see. Though this mirror is flawed and reflections are bad. I worry too much about what people think, and thus have lost all critical thinking ability.
Dah lah, mengantuk super. At last all the bloody sugar has been worked off. And i can sleep wihout being haunted by my dark thoughts and fearsome dreams
Late night ramblings-Tonight-today-the past three days were all a test. Really, there's a whole reason why bad things happen. Really. It's just up me to take in my stride and make the best of it. I like rowing-it forces me to be strong, it makes me feel a sense of belonging. However transient it doesnt matter. Being stroke gave me an injection of confidence. I thought i was strong enough. Thought being key word. Today my strength of mind, body and will gave in. I relented. I died out there on the water and failed my team. I let the whole team down. This feeling of guilt is so heavy on my conscience that i cant quite look any one of them in the eye. I dont even want to discuss rowing. Because really there was the person to blame. The fact is i failed. It's been a frightening pattern that's been holding up. I'm gonna carry the shame and the blame for a while still, at least for a year until i figure out how to regain some 'face' at the next bumps.The scorn and ridicule with which people looked at us with, the whispers, giggles and outright laughter really bothers me. No one takes us seriously. No one ever takes me seriously. Is it just i have imposed my personal failings on the team, or is the ridicule is actually directed at me alone and i'm thinking it's directed at the team? What's worst is not only other med. schools ridiculing us, but even our own senior teams. I find the events of today deeply disturbing. I had food chucked at me (not at all in a nice way). Ouch. With not a word of sorry, or a reference to a joke. Just chucked at the general direction of my head. Missed my head but hit my legs. Sakit hati tau tak. Sakit sangat hati....marah sangat-kite tak bodoh tau, kite pun ade perasan.....It's self pity that's leading on to anger. Anger can fuel, self pity rarely does. Must really make this work to my advantage. I cannot stand there and have people snigger at me. I have not been publically humiliated in a long time. Today, actually the past 3 days have felt like a nightmare-being humiliated in front of your peers and competitors. To be called nasty, horrible things and have people pity us. Patronizing, trying to spare our feelings. I know im shit. Tell me to my face-i can take it dammit!!!
Sebenarnya kalau ditanya sekarang saya amat malas untuk hadir ke perjumpaan agung pada jumaat depan. Dah tak anggup orang pandang semacam. Macam saya nie tak berguna lansung. Tapi duit sudah dikeluarkan, chek sudah ditandatangani. Bagaimana, oh bagaimana, sayang ku sayang? Berapa lama akan engkau cuba bertahan? You'll never be accepted, you've tried it all ur life, it hasnt worked yet, what make you think its gonna start now? You idiot, you'll never learn
I just wonder sometimes what i really feel. I can say two opposite feelings and mean both. I lack originality-i can only reflect what i know, have been told or see. Though this mirror is flawed and reflections are bad. I worry too much about what people think, and thus have lost all critical thinking ability.
Dah lah, mengantuk super. At last all the bloody sugar has been worked off. And i can sleep wihout being haunted by my dark thoughts and fearsome dreams
Archive May 26
I cant even keep my eyes open-im sleepy, i have to read barrel loads of human developement stuff yet, and ive just wrote a whine that i dont even dare put up here. Just cos it's so unbelievably whiny. No one loves me enough to hear/read that whine and still love me. And since those who love are far and few-we shall never let them know. so sleepy....maybe a siesta, no?
I cant even keep my eyes open-im sleepy, i have to read barrel loads of human developement stuff yet, and ive just wrote a whine that i dont even dare put up here. Just cos it's so unbelievably whiny. No one loves me enough to hear/read that whine and still love me. And since those who love are far and few-we shall never let them know. so sleepy....maybe a siesta, no?
Archive May 25
Girl Done Wrong Again-i screwed up. I panicked-and for that we rowed badly. The whole team, cox and all hates me. I cant row for nuts and should be at the bottom of the river-my eyes being eaten out by fish. I want to die at this point than suffer the hatred of my fellow teammates and friends. and the fucking embarressment of such pathetic rowing. i dont want to be stroke and be blamed for everyone not getting their slides right. Fucking hell, i cantmy bloody slide either. I cant stand the evil looks shot at me as i stand alone yet again. I want to scream!!!! i did actually, when the fucking boat ran aground. And is terminally now-hopefully repaired and then i get to sit there and have everyone hate me all over again. i wish i was 30 kgs lighter, as strong as a horse and able to run a friggin marathon. I want to, want to, want to......i hate that i weigh the boat down, i get tired after 5 minutes and lose focus so quickly. I hate failing people and myself. I had sooo much hope. In the end its all my fault anyway. I couldnt care less. I didnt want to train, i was lazy. I didnt run, i kept on eating....i have only myself to blame, you stupid, stupid bint
Girl Done Wrong Again-i screwed up. I panicked-and for that we rowed badly. The whole team, cox and all hates me. I cant row for nuts and should be at the bottom of the river-my eyes being eaten out by fish. I want to die at this point than suffer the hatred of my fellow teammates and friends. and the fucking embarressment of such pathetic rowing. i dont want to be stroke and be blamed for everyone not getting their slides right. Fucking hell, i cantmy bloody slide either. I cant stand the evil looks shot at me as i stand alone yet again. I want to scream!!!! i did actually, when the fucking boat ran aground. And is terminally now-hopefully repaired and then i get to sit there and have everyone hate me all over again. i wish i was 30 kgs lighter, as strong as a horse and able to run a friggin marathon. I want to, want to, want to......i hate that i weigh the boat down, i get tired after 5 minutes and lose focus so quickly. I hate failing people and myself. I had sooo much hope. In the end its all my fault anyway. I couldnt care less. I didnt want to train, i was lazy. I didnt run, i kept on eating....i have only myself to blame, you stupid, stupid bint
Archive May 22
Busy, rainy Sundies-It's been an insane day. Started sedately enough, with me sleeping in a fair bit before showering and dressing appropriately for a sunny day out picnicking. I packed my picnic blankets, sunscreen and bottle water while the sky outside stayed a grimy grey. I kept the faith, full of hope that the day would turn for the better. I even left my brolly in my room (actually i forgot it) but i thought it may be a sign that the day will get sunnier. Ha-wasnt i fooled. Carole, Kiki and i landed in Oxford St. with the rain spitting down and the shops closed. We seeked ourt refuge in the regent ST Starbucks where i had a massive (i swear it was more than a pint) of coffee and a pain au chocolat. Not a very good one cos they refused to heat it up for me, evil starbucks person. They should know that the customers is always, by default, no questions asked, is always, always right. Still, the woman was like, no im sorry we dont heat it up. That doesnt bloody matter-i want it heated up, dammit. Still, it was a disappointing pain au chocolat cos it was cold. We spent an hour at starbucks waiting for the shops to open, and for me to be done with the bloody pint of coffee.Enjoyed the coffee though, sweet and milky it was.....yum.....
Tried a lovely grey dress at Oasis later-i loved it, ut sadly it didnt fit-couldnt go past my bloody hips. I would kill to look like twiggy. Went to a few shops on the way, still no dress that could fit. Again i wish i had stuck it out with the diet-maybe i could've squeezed myself into one or two, but no, in my bloated cow state today i was left going, 'how, gorgeous, if only i was bloody 50 kgs lighter.......' I should go shopping every week at Zara, MNG and Topshop-the fact that i cant fit into so many lovely stuff may actually stop me from eating. And if i feel like relapsing, i take the bus down to Oxford St and plant myself in Zara. or Benetton and try a pair of skinny jeans. Yeah-that'll get me to stop eating and gym more rigorously.....Should do that when i balik M'sia.....Anyway, went to New Look and tried on a few dresses. There was one that looked nice, and one more i picked up cos it came in my size. Lo and behold, the random one i picked out actually fitted nicely and actually flattered my bits and bobs in places. Carole had her eyes on the dress first, but they didnt have her size in the right colour. But the blue fitted and looked good on me. So i bought it-it was cheap too, and i got money off with the student card......Still hesitant about it, but oh well, what the heck, it looks nice.....Anyway, all that shopping made me late for the picnic at Bayswater with the M'sian soc, and i arrived a good hour and a half later. It ended up being a house party at Ron's place, which was small, but cosy bachelor pad....Managed to get a good 20+ ppl in there-i was impressed. Didnt stay too long before we headed off to the M'sian fair at Covent garden. It was OK-the food stalls had the usual Nasi lemak, satay, mee goreng and that lot, with batik painting, batik bajus, pua stalls and the essential tourism m'sian booth. There was a Brahim's tent too, with Brahim's cooking demo.....Didnt buy any more, stock masih banyak lagi....tak tahu nak buat ape....Makanlah kan, ape lagi.....
Saw teddies i want at the 'make ur own teddy' place-a surgeon teddy and doctor teddy. Must review personal ruling that i cant buy teddies for personal use.....I love those teddies-they're sooo cute, with precious lil scrubs and plastic medical bags......I'll get one when i have forty quid to spare. The surgeon teddy will be a velvetine teddy, tan and soft while the doctor teddy could be a non-bear species, maybe a bunny or just a different colour teddy....with black teeddy-sketchers....Awww......
Menaka and i walked back from covent garden to holborn ok-got on the tube and got back pronto. Showered and made wierd dinner-mushroom and tiger lily soup with mash potatoes and caramelised aubergines. Caramelised aubergined were over-sweet though......and soup was too thin-foodie disaster. Studied a bit with flatmates and found out that seaweed based jellies dont hardened when mixed with fresh strawberries. made cocktails with jelly mix-orange, strawberry jelly mix and ginger beer...oklah, except for the powdery taste at the end-i didnt think i washed the strawberries to well. Whoops........oh well,
its late, my bed beckonnes with promises of sweet sleep. Will give in to slumber soon for a short respite. Must awaken early to work and gym......lovies
P/s-saw a dog that looked like Tin Tin's dog Snowy, earned an abandon helen and eric credit today, must call matt and talk about brighton after the exams for a weekend & must serbu matt for simpsons, lost and prison break.....oh....and i knnow what happens in the season of the OC that's playing on TV now...And it's just gonna blow Tasho away!!!!
now i mean it, g'nite
Busy, rainy Sundies-It's been an insane day. Started sedately enough, with me sleeping in a fair bit before showering and dressing appropriately for a sunny day out picnicking. I packed my picnic blankets, sunscreen and bottle water while the sky outside stayed a grimy grey. I kept the faith, full of hope that the day would turn for the better. I even left my brolly in my room (actually i forgot it) but i thought it may be a sign that the day will get sunnier. Ha-wasnt i fooled. Carole, Kiki and i landed in Oxford St. with the rain spitting down and the shops closed. We seeked ourt refuge in the regent ST Starbucks where i had a massive (i swear it was more than a pint) of coffee and a pain au chocolat. Not a very good one cos they refused to heat it up for me, evil starbucks person. They should know that the customers is always, by default, no questions asked, is always, always right. Still, the woman was like, no im sorry we dont heat it up. That doesnt bloody matter-i want it heated up, dammit. Still, it was a disappointing pain au chocolat cos it was cold. We spent an hour at starbucks waiting for the shops to open, and for me to be done with the bloody pint of coffee.Enjoyed the coffee though, sweet and milky it was.....yum.....
Tried a lovely grey dress at Oasis later-i loved it, ut sadly it didnt fit-couldnt go past my bloody hips. I would kill to look like twiggy. Went to a few shops on the way, still no dress that could fit. Again i wish i had stuck it out with the diet-maybe i could've squeezed myself into one or two, but no, in my bloated cow state today i was left going, 'how, gorgeous, if only i was bloody 50 kgs lighter.......' I should go shopping every week at Zara, MNG and Topshop-the fact that i cant fit into so many lovely stuff may actually stop me from eating. And if i feel like relapsing, i take the bus down to Oxford St and plant myself in Zara. or Benetton and try a pair of skinny jeans. Yeah-that'll get me to stop eating and gym more rigorously.....Should do that when i balik M'sia.....Anyway, went to New Look and tried on a few dresses. There was one that looked nice, and one more i picked up cos it came in my size. Lo and behold, the random one i picked out actually fitted nicely and actually flattered my bits and bobs in places. Carole had her eyes on the dress first, but they didnt have her size in the right colour. But the blue fitted and looked good on me. So i bought it-it was cheap too, and i got money off with the student card......Still hesitant about it, but oh well, what the heck, it looks nice.....Anyway, all that shopping made me late for the picnic at Bayswater with the M'sian soc, and i arrived a good hour and a half later. It ended up being a house party at Ron's place, which was small, but cosy bachelor pad....Managed to get a good 20+ ppl in there-i was impressed. Didnt stay too long before we headed off to the M'sian fair at Covent garden. It was OK-the food stalls had the usual Nasi lemak, satay, mee goreng and that lot, with batik painting, batik bajus, pua stalls and the essential tourism m'sian booth. There was a Brahim's tent too, with Brahim's cooking demo.....Didnt buy any more, stock masih banyak lagi....tak tahu nak buat ape....Makanlah kan, ape lagi.....
Saw teddies i want at the 'make ur own teddy' place-a surgeon teddy and doctor teddy. Must review personal ruling that i cant buy teddies for personal use.....I love those teddies-they're sooo cute, with precious lil scrubs and plastic medical bags......I'll get one when i have forty quid to spare. The surgeon teddy will be a velvetine teddy, tan and soft while the doctor teddy could be a non-bear species, maybe a bunny or just a different colour teddy....with black teeddy-sketchers....Awww......
Menaka and i walked back from covent garden to holborn ok-got on the tube and got back pronto. Showered and made wierd dinner-mushroom and tiger lily soup with mash potatoes and caramelised aubergines. Caramelised aubergined were over-sweet though......and soup was too thin-foodie disaster. Studied a bit with flatmates and found out that seaweed based jellies dont hardened when mixed with fresh strawberries. made cocktails with jelly mix-orange, strawberry jelly mix and ginger beer...oklah, except for the powdery taste at the end-i didnt think i washed the strawberries to well. Whoops........oh well,
its late, my bed beckonnes with promises of sweet sleep. Will give in to slumber soon for a short respite. Must awaken early to work and gym......lovies
P/s-saw a dog that looked like Tin Tin's dog Snowy, earned an abandon helen and eric credit today, must call matt and talk about brighton after the exams for a weekend & must serbu matt for simpsons, lost and prison break.....oh....and i knnow what happens in the season of the OC that's playing on TV now...And it's just gonna blow Tasho away!!!!
now i mean it, g'nite
Archive May 20 (a real busy blog day)
Memories lost-i've done it again-ive done it bloody again.....i hate myself. Years and months of compiling memories lost. I cant find a whole load of beautiful photographs i've taken. Pictures of friends, family and the odd random person that was beautiful at that moment. Views, thoughts and snippets of life-LOST!!!!!!! i cant find them!!!! I was so sure ive compiled them carefully into cds, and looking through them today i cant find them. It hurts so much. Im so angry...........I loved those pictures-so many stories, memories lost. That's why i take pictures-i just wont remember otherwise. And now my pictures are lost. Lost, lost, lost!!!!! Im so angry, i dont know what to do.... What's really painful is i only have myself to blame for being an absolute idiot............
Memories lost-i've done it again-ive done it bloody again.....i hate myself. Years and months of compiling memories lost. I cant find a whole load of beautiful photographs i've taken. Pictures of friends, family and the odd random person that was beautiful at that moment. Views, thoughts and snippets of life-LOST!!!!!!! i cant find them!!!! I was so sure ive compiled them carefully into cds, and looking through them today i cant find them. It hurts so much. Im so angry...........I loved those pictures-so many stories, memories lost. That's why i take pictures-i just wont remember otherwise. And now my pictures are lost. Lost, lost, lost!!!!! Im so angry, i dont know what to do.... What's really painful is i only have myself to blame for being an absolute idiot............
Archive May 20
people reading my blog-You know what-its weird, i'm keeping a blog so i can bitch and whine without hurting anyone's ears or wasting their time. That and the fact there's no one to whine to-sadly. That's why it bothers me so when i find out people read this-it's well, whinings-which are characterised as being immature, pathetic and just being a spoilt brat for a while and getting rid of bad thoughts before they fester and turn my brain all evil. whining are supposed to disapppear. I've functioned so long without a whinee (think along the lines of employee) that i can logick out all the insane whinings and crazed ideas in my head. And once let out, much of my hate disappates of its own accord. I dont have a propensity to bear loads of hatred or revenge-my memory is too short term for that. Back to where i was going-my whinings function as a way for me to vent. They mean nothing, and therefore should not persist. They only persist here because i lack a medium for expression. This choice of medium is inheritly bad-the world can read it and it stays here forever (pretty much) till i delete it. So people can read it-things that really mean nothing. As regular whining sessions go-its a waste of a person's time but worst the people i whine about might read it.Now that's bad. Cos of reasons outlined above. so here goes the apology and the disclaimer: Nothing here is meant to be evil unless explicitly mentioned to be as such. I talk about everything and care too much what people think but if you ever start wondering-no its not about you, really, i have better things to think and vent about
haha
muchos love; lovies always
people reading my blog-You know what-its weird, i'm keeping a blog so i can bitch and whine without hurting anyone's ears or wasting their time. That and the fact there's no one to whine to-sadly. That's why it bothers me so when i find out people read this-it's well, whinings-which are characterised as being immature, pathetic and just being a spoilt brat for a while and getting rid of bad thoughts before they fester and turn my brain all evil. whining are supposed to disapppear. I've functioned so long without a whinee (think along the lines of employee) that i can logick out all the insane whinings and crazed ideas in my head. And once let out, much of my hate disappates of its own accord. I dont have a propensity to bear loads of hatred or revenge-my memory is too short term for that. Back to where i was going-my whinings function as a way for me to vent. They mean nothing, and therefore should not persist. They only persist here because i lack a medium for expression. This choice of medium is inheritly bad-the world can read it and it stays here forever (pretty much) till i delete it. So people can read it-things that really mean nothing. As regular whining sessions go-its a waste of a person's time but worst the people i whine about might read it.Now that's bad. Cos of reasons outlined above. so here goes the apology and the disclaimer: Nothing here is meant to be evil unless explicitly mentioned to be as such. I talk about everything and care too much what people think but if you ever start wondering-no its not about you, really, i have better things to think and vent about
haha
muchos love; lovies always
Archive May 20
Too much sleep-Had too much sleep again. I worry that this may be pathological. The whole extreme tiredness, constant sleepiness and loss of thermoregulation. i get cold enough to consider taking out my winter coats again. I dont gym as much as i should and when i do, i lack my former vigour. Very disturbing.
Too much sleep-Had too much sleep again. I worry that this may be pathological. The whole extreme tiredness, constant sleepiness and loss of thermoregulation. i get cold enough to consider taking out my winter coats again. I dont gym as much as i should and when i do, i lack my former vigour. Very disturbing.
Archive May 18th
Bled in the boat today. Rowing in Chiswick has always been something i dread. I can't get in the boat properly, its wet, cold and things generally are bad. I rowed really badly today. Rushed up slides, did not have decent body positions and didnt put any power in the water. Not to mention tired myself out totally. no stamina. It's gonna take a miracle to actually bump up and sheer iron will to not get bumped down. The rest of the boat is improving by leaps and bounds, and im still unfit and very slack. Caught 2 major crabs-both at the start. Must keep in mind handle heights and not panic. DONT PANIC-that's one thing i dont do well.....But back to bleeding in the boat-i didnt realize i was bleeding until i saw blood on the sax board-i freaked slighty but it was weird cos i felt no pain. Lacerated the skin on the inferior lateral left leg on the runners-minor injury but loads of blood. Thus the boat has been blessed, purified and sanctified by blood. My blood..... God help me to get this right-please, pretty please....i so badly want to do well, just to make it worth it to the Women's captain and Fresher's Captain. They had such hope and put in sooo much effort for us, i cant imagine letting them down.
Bled in the boat today. Rowing in Chiswick has always been something i dread. I can't get in the boat properly, its wet, cold and things generally are bad. I rowed really badly today. Rushed up slides, did not have decent body positions and didnt put any power in the water. Not to mention tired myself out totally. no stamina. It's gonna take a miracle to actually bump up and sheer iron will to not get bumped down. The rest of the boat is improving by leaps and bounds, and im still unfit and very slack. Caught 2 major crabs-both at the start. Must keep in mind handle heights and not panic. DONT PANIC-that's one thing i dont do well.....But back to bleeding in the boat-i didnt realize i was bleeding until i saw blood on the sax board-i freaked slighty but it was weird cos i felt no pain. Lacerated the skin on the inferior lateral left leg on the runners-minor injury but loads of blood. Thus the boat has been blessed, purified and sanctified by blood. My blood..... God help me to get this right-please, pretty please....i so badly want to do well, just to make it worth it to the Women's captain and Fresher's Captain. They had such hope and put in sooo much effort for us, i cant imagine letting them down.
But this is not a blog. This is where i rant, cry, contemplate life, scream, whinge, whine and moan about how unfair life is. And how someone must be laughing. Well, truth be told, i'd rather someone be laughing then no one caring at all. Yeah, i kinda like attention-good or bad. I hold to the tenet that there can be no such thing as bad publicity. Even for fat, ugly girls like me. Though i like to think i am unique in my own fat and ugly way. Not at all like other girls....
But back to the reason i've resorted to blogger. and blogging.....I need to rant. I have no friends. And so i end up writing here. My whinings use to be somewhere else-somewhere to accesible, to easy fior friends or family to see. but here i feel safer. In a way. It's still the internet, i know......and the real reason it's here rather than some book somewhere is that i actually want people to read it. So that people can emphatize. i dont want people i write about to read it though. that would be all to nasty.
But back to the reason i've resorted to blogger. and blogging.....I need to rant. I have no friends. And so i end up writing here. My whinings use to be somewhere else-somewhere to accesible, to easy fior friends or family to see. but here i feel safer. In a way. It's still the internet, i know......and the real reason it's here rather than some book somewhere is that i actually want people to read it. So that people can emphatize. i dont want people i write about to read it though. that would be all to nasty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)