Archive May 25
Girl Done Wrong Again-i screwed up. I panicked-and for that we rowed badly. The whole team, cox and all hates me. I cant row for nuts and should be at the bottom of the river-my eyes being eaten out by fish. I want to die at this point than suffer the hatred of my fellow teammates and friends. and the fucking embarressment of such pathetic rowing. i dont want to be stroke and be blamed for everyone not getting their slides right. Fucking hell, i cantmy bloody slide either. I cant stand the evil looks shot at me as i stand alone yet again. I want to scream!!!! i did actually, when the fucking boat ran aground. And is terminally now-hopefully repaired and then i get to sit there and have everyone hate me all over again. i wish i was 30 kgs lighter, as strong as a horse and able to run a friggin marathon. I want to, want to, want to......i hate that i weigh the boat down, i get tired after 5 minutes and lose focus so quickly. I hate failing people and myself. I had sooo much hope. In the end its all my fault anyway. I couldnt care less. I didnt want to train, i was lazy. I didnt run, i kept on eating....i have only myself to blame, you stupid, stupid bint