Im panicking because it's a memory, one of the last things she gifted to me. She is the woman that inspired me to try and beautiful, the elegant woman I aspire to be.
What I keep finding are relics of his past lovers. As I clear space to allow myself to live (I will elaborate why....) I find things that continually break my heart.
The save the dates from when he was engaged (he broke it off 10 months before the big day). 22nd of May it was; in sunny Croatia. The small blessing was there was no happy picture of them on it to make me slit my wrists.
Today a little note, from around Christmas time, casually on the floor of the storage cupboard. I knew he had a lover during the time he was seeing me. Enough said that I've gathered enough scattered information to make an educated guess as to which one of his Facebook friends she is. Fuck me she's built like Taylor Swift- you know, all tall, long limbed and wholesome. Far well travelled and far more adventurous than me.
Im heartbroken. In a sense that I know he loves me reasons I can't identify why; but I don't think I'm enough. Not slim enough, pretty enough or tall enough.
Plus the idea that he's wiggled his willy in sooooo many others just bother me.
I'll find my watch, get that visa, sort my life out and then i'll sort me feelings out. Continual jealousy is not healthy.