Friday, March 27, 2015

Love is enough. William Morris

LOVE is enough:

 though the World be a-waning,

 And the woods have no voice but the voice of complaining,

 Though the sky be too dark for dim eyes to discover

 The gold-cups and daisies fair blooming thereunder,

 Though the hills be held shadows, and the sea a dark wonder,

 And this day draw a veil over all deeds pass'd over,

 Yet their hands shall not tremble, their feet shall not falter;

 The void shall not weary, the fear shall not alter

 These lips and these eyes of the loved and the lover.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

This makes me smile everytime

Hi there, 

Thank you for the message!! I'm sorry to say that I'm now in a relationship. I met her on here and it's amazing how well they matched us. She is everything I wanted and more. In just 3 months we have already booked 2 holidays together and spend nearly all our spare time having fun together.

so trust in the process and im sure they will match you to someone that makes you as happy as my girlfriend makes me.

All the best

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Im not being fair

The holiday was wonderful.

We drove 1000 miles through icy, snowy mountains, along the coast and down grassy valleys filled with placid Icelandic horses.

We ate at the most wonderful restaurants (I tasted the best butterscotch sauce in the world) and ate the strangest things (whale, puffin, shak (a kind of bird) and a horse-veal).

We saw the best Northern Lights in the past 100 years and watched a solar eclipse while sitting at the edge of a volcanic crater.

Hiked over glaciers and soaked in geothermal pools for hours.

Stayed in a little log cabin with our own little outdoor hot tub.

I even drove our rental 4x4 on the right side of the road!

There were little arguments, but no fights. We kissed a lot and it made up for all the little bickering.
I even got jealous because he was being hit on by an Icelandic waitresses.

So it's not fair for me to have just written the last entry.
There's love there; I just struggle to accept that it's real.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Don't fall in love.

I made a bad mistake.

I thought he was mine and I became stupidly public with the whole thing. I posted updates and pictures of us on holiday all over social media. Clearly for the world to see.

Oh dearie me.

There are photos of me with mussed up hair, in an orange hat and shapeless cold wear. His holidays with her were in hot sunny places and she looks gorgeous.

Oh the fuck why am I so deluded. Anyone can see that she is far more beautiful than me. Arghhhhh.

Don't fall in love kids. It makes you do stupid things.

Though it feels a little like love.

We were up on that hillside, looking over the sea and the Northern Light reached for us. The sky was full of dancing electric green lights, so close I felt I could reach out and touch it. You held me tight and for that moment I felt we were capable of anything. That we were blessed.

It's when you give me the last bit of your dessert.

It's when you reach out to touch me across the table while you entertain drunk Icelandic Liverpool fans.

I might just be a little lovesick.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015


It's 3 days to Iceland.

Im packing for subzero nights, glacier hikes and cold, cold cold.

Im going with the new man and all I can think about is that I will be warm but very very unattractive.

Im feeling bloated and fat today. In fact all week. Everyone reassures me I'll be ok, no man goes out with someone only because she is a pretty face. Oh dear no, of course not.

I can't help that his ex-fiance (they were going out for 5 years) is a highly attractive 5'10 leggy blonde. I really cannot help that she is 5 year younger than me. I can't help that she is beautiful.

Everytime I see those photos ( i know, i know, it's self flagellation in the virtual sense ) I wonder why he's with me. I feel like a step-down. The 'ugly girl' from Fiona Apple's song.

All men want a pretty face. The hot chick wins every time. 

His albums are littered with her. Another woman I've not met who is now my enemy.

My fucking inferiority complex. Fucking inferiority complex.

If you were wondering; he broke it off. After invitations were sent.

There are no pictures of me on Facebook. Only of him and her. I think I've just made a decision here. A painful one.

July 15th is the day of reckoning. I though i'd give it 6 months and see what happens. Of course I had to fall like a rookie now and allow myself a world of hurt....

I really can't do this.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Let's do the things we normally do

I thought this was going to happen.

I even told my bestie who shrugged it off as a girlie overthinking.

I met his family.

He suggested I meet his dog, and I understood this comes with meeting his mother with whom the dog lives with. I balked initially, but I realised it was important to him, so I told him- "come on, let's do it". It was his idea that when I did meet his family is shouldn't be formal... a sort of accidentally on purpose thing.

His mom still lives in the village he grew up in. His parents are separated, but they still see each other all time.

We drove there and on the way I picked up a little potted orchid (I'm Asian, I can't go to someone's house empty handed). I was dressed pretty casually, even for me but tried to compensate with a little too much makeup.

On arrival he realised his dad was there too. Luckily his mom was busy decorating, so she was pretty casual and chilled. The usual hellos and air kisses exchanged- they seemed nice enough. We sat and chatted... I had to borrow his mom's wellies to go walking the dog. I think the dog liked me, even though I can't throw a tennis ball that far and he doesn't listen to me when I tell him to 'sit'.

His mom made me a cup of tea and we all chilled together with a watching sport on TV.

He tells me this is what normal couples do on a Sunday. Visit family and chill.
I guess we're a normal couple.

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Please don't say you love me, cos I might not say it back

But it doesn't mean I don't love you. 

So you planned a fantastic 30th birthday for me. It was beautiful, romantic and magical. 

In spite of me almost making us missing the plane, some ridiculous awkward moments and lots of crazy relationship chat we made it through the weekend. 

He said he loved me. And sometimes I say it back. I mean it, and the more time i spend with him the more I'm getting attached. 

Maybe this is how it's meant to feel like. Warm, fuzzy and secure.