We're in bed at 10 am on a Saturday, planning our holiday to the States.
"So, I've booked this amazing hotel- Nancy and Ronald Reagan stayed there for their honeymoon and Pat and Richard Nixon was married there. It even has it's own Wikipedia page"
"So it's a romantic hotel, huh? I wonder if it's a good place to propose...?"
I didn't dare look at him. I just told him not to do anything silly.
I ask him about how he proposed to his ex-fiance- he refuses to tell me. It's not the first time I've asked either. I've added his close friends on Facebook, maybe I'll ask one of them- I can't seem to decide which one is the least likely to report back to him.
I've played scenarios in my mind- it was probably on the balcony of a fancy restaurant, surrounded by bouquets of flowers and a violinist. With that lovely vintage ring he was sure she would love. Im sure I have a photo of her wearing the ring screenshot off Facebook. He probably went on one knee; there was probably tears and lots of kissing. Straightaway calling her mum and sister.
It's scaring me less, all our talk of the future. We are talking about moving in together- how many bedrooms we'd like, who's toaster we are going to throw out and how he will need to do the dishes more often or it's going to drive me crazy. I think it's all good fun talking about the future- a wonderful place in time where our lives are perfectly intertwined, where we're happy, smiley, surrounded by little 'uns.
Reality is a little harder- I still have no faith in my ability as a doctor and don't know where or what I'm going to do. I still want to do the 'travelling' experience. He's in a good job with great prospects but he needs to stay in a specific geographical area (where medical jobs might be difficult to get).
I've thought about 'us' seriously enough that I'm planning to go away at the end of this year for about 3-4 months. My reasons are a little more complex than it's on my bucket list- I feel like I might settle down with this one; a training post and babies wouldn't fit with travelling.
It's all been put into some perspective by my ex-lover emailing me with an update of his life- a little snapshot of how he's doing so far. It doesn't hurt anymore, but it was a hard lesson to learn. Looking back what I have with Max now was what I was looking for. Maybe it's vengeful, but in my reply I didn't give any hint to how I am or what Im up to. That would be too kind.
