1. Im still not finished with psych.
2. I have just bought tickets for Paris-London. Im staying 11 days in France. What the hell is my ugly broke-ass gonna do for 11 days? Sun tan?
3. Im there with KY. He says 4 stars. We are EuroStar-ing it back to Londres.
4. I forgotten all my paedeatrics.
5. The test today- felt like i should know it all, but i didnt.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Psychiatric definitions for covert use in everyday life
1. Logorrhoea- the sciency version of 'verbal diarrhea'. When there is increased quantity but not rate of speech
2. Cryptolalia- making up idioms that no one else knows the meaning of. Use of an entire private idiom.
3. Circumstantiality- eliza's style of story telling. Goal-orientated and organised, but crramped with too much detail.
4. Pseudologica fantastica- my favorite, it means fluent and plausible lying.
5. Paragrammatism- plain old bad grammar speaking.
2. Cryptolalia- making up idioms that no one else knows the meaning of. Use of an entire private idiom.
3. Circumstantiality- eliza's style of story telling. Goal-orientated and organised, but crramped with too much detail.
4. Pseudologica fantastica- my favorite, it means fluent and plausible lying.
5. Paragrammatism- plain old bad grammar speaking.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The difference between true love and chronic osteomyelitis?
Chronic osteomyelitis actually lasts forever
That should be T-shirt slogan. A very orthopaedic one.
That should be T-shirt slogan. A very orthopaedic one.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
fat is bad
I got a letter from my (future) insurance company.
"In view of your height weight ratio it is necessary to impose an extra premium on your application"
merde.
im only a very dense size 16, ok 18 cos i've been binge eating with the essay stress.
putain.
they also need to know if i've seen my doctor since i applied for the policy- i hate to admit i have, it's the dodgy knee!
Insurance is depressing and expensive. Worse- i have to pay double the usual premium because im a fat fuck. The shame, the horror. Im both embarrassed and indignant.
"In view of your height weight ratio it is necessary to impose an extra premium on your application"
merde.
im only a very dense size 16, ok 18 cos i've been binge eating with the essay stress.
putain.
they also need to know if i've seen my doctor since i applied for the policy- i hate to admit i have, it's the dodgy knee!
Insurance is depressing and expensive. Worse- i have to pay double the usual premium because im a fat fuck. The shame, the horror. Im both embarrassed and indignant.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Dylan Moran - Potential (Monster)
Oh......Ka-chan, you are wundervoll!
This is exactly it- the man's a genius. And funny to boot.
You need to watch it, if you watch one thing from my blog, watch this. Then we can all become a community of apathetic, potential-full people.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Ooh La La - The Faces Lyrics
Burned time and watched rushmore. I may have wasted prime study time, but the movie is sweet.
Kinda makes me want to be brave, dare to make mistakes and if it does happen, be ok with losing everything and starting over again. (that last bit was from the Lush philosophy- even soap companies have philosophies nowadays)
Though, it does make me feel a little suicidal. At the moment even tea could make me suicidal.
Oh well, if only i knew then what i knew now.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
neopolitan dreams by lisa mitchell
Kawaii....
Some days, i wish i had just killed myself when i was 15 and spared myself all the misery.
Later, in the night, alone....
I wonder why this song makes me feel regretful. Not very suicidal, just a little sad that im still alive. Funny for a song from a detergent advertisement. Maybe if i had known then that i would be this way now i would have been a little more decisive in my actions. Sometimes i feel like im being kept alive rather than living.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Pop-culture wisdom
The difference with a mid-life crisis is that you have money. I have crises of similar proportions and all it means is that sometimes I buy a burrito.
from america in short
And we dont really want to realize our full potential- what if it's bollocks? If we never tried, then there's always that chance, hope that you could be amazing.
from Ka-chan.
from america in short
And we dont really want to realize our full potential- what if it's bollocks? If we never tried, then there's always that chance, hope that you could be amazing.
from Ka-chan.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Snow patrol's one of those bands who arent lookers, but a great listen. They've polished up, looks-wise for the new album, but it's no justin timberlake.
Listening to Snow patrol invokes my deeply ingrained, much suppressed need to love and be loved. It make me want to get a soulmate or a cat. It puts longing and sweet misery to music- just right for my current cuddle-less, stressful and hope-less days.
I try and be angry, thinking it'll make the need go away. I forget about it, too busy to realize something's missing, but then i have snow patrol to remind me. I don't get mad at them, it's not their fault im like this; im rather thankful for the reminder- forgetting is a terrible thing.
Listening to Snow patrol invokes my deeply ingrained, much suppressed need to love and be loved. It make me want to get a soulmate or a cat. It puts longing and sweet misery to music- just right for my current cuddle-less, stressful and hope-less days.
I try and be angry, thinking it'll make the need go away. I forget about it, too busy to realize something's missing, but then i have snow patrol to remind me. I don't get mad at them, it's not their fault im like this; im rather thankful for the reminder- forgetting is a terrible thing.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
i knew i shouldnt
but i did anyway.
I watched Kamikaze Girls- i'm a simple girl with simple tastes after all.
Only a charming story of a ama-lolita who befriends a yanki- in a little japanese town. It's frivilous, it's cute and it has a happy ending.
Just what i need now, a happy ending.
I watched Kamikaze Girls- i'm a simple girl with simple tastes after all.
Only a charming story of a ama-lolita who befriends a yanki- in a little japanese town. It's frivilous, it's cute and it has a happy ending.
Just what i need now, a happy ending.
Friday, June 12, 2009
On a whim
If i had a whim to indulge now it would be to study japanese and french cinema- a reason to justify watching lots of films in languages that fascinate me, just by their sound.
It is not a big deal
Pas grand chose- i guessed the meaning before i babel-ed fished it, really.
By Monsieur Beautiful Bread, oh how i wish for beautiful bread. Some warm brioche with butter and rich strawberry jam- sweet with a hint of sourness. All fluffy butterness- i can't think of brioche without smelling it; the sweet, warming smell.
The smell of sunshine and warmth. The sound of french being spoken. Alas Monsieur Beaupain, i have no idea of what you are saying in that typical male french singing voice. I say typical, typical i mean like Gainsbourg- more like speaking lyrically, beautifully in time with music. The choice for our now overplayed Mr. Beautiful Bread is a backing of pure piano, an instrument, till today seems so insurmountably difficult that i am in awe and terribly jealous of anyone who plays well. Any musical instrument really, because i am so inept in melody and ear, i cannot even harness my voice.
Oh truly, do i love bread. Mind you, germanic black bread doesn't set my heart a-flutter as pillow-soft potato bread nor does flour-less, sprouted seed bread that my mother used to buy us in a phased of lapsed tastebuds and health-food frenzy. We never got brioche at home, but if i ever have children i will be a baker and own a grand oven when they are mere playschoolers so they can watch with fascination as the wings of skewered chickens pop open as it goes round and round on the spit and smell the aroma of fresh baked bread, watching it rise as they play in the oven-warmed kitchen.
I miss home. The home that my parents semi-built with it's infinitely lofty ceiling in the living room that was impossible to cool. Where we had a massive oven and a corner of the kitchen that always smelt of rabbit food, even though we never own rabbits. The kitchen where i first baked cupcakes, the mix from a box with overly sweet pink icing and a Beano wafer on the top. The room that was all mine, with it's double bed that i rarely slept it, because i preferred sleeping in the tent pitched in my parent's massive room. The times when we had dinner on the porch, watching the fishes, trying to figure out which fish was eating which. The first floor balcony that was never finished because we left before it could be done. During a full moon the back garden was beautiful, especially during blackouts- he always took us on long drives then so we could cool off in the car and fall asleep to the radio. Would Air Supply still lull me to sleep?
No sleep tonight- i manage to finish a whole historical novel on dracula; the ending slightly disappointing and the story a little long, but i enjoyed it anyway. It is a long novel, about one and three quarters of an inch thick. The essay is far from done and not academic at all. I am fearful, for my adviser would not reply my emails.
Keep me company a little while more Monsieur Beaupain, while i wrack my brains and the internet for ethical and moral treatise for and against killing babies.
By Monsieur Beautiful Bread, oh how i wish for beautiful bread. Some warm brioche with butter and rich strawberry jam- sweet with a hint of sourness. All fluffy butterness- i can't think of brioche without smelling it; the sweet, warming smell.
The smell of sunshine and warmth. The sound of french being spoken. Alas Monsieur Beaupain, i have no idea of what you are saying in that typical male french singing voice. I say typical, typical i mean like Gainsbourg- more like speaking lyrically, beautifully in time with music. The choice for our now overplayed Mr. Beautiful Bread is a backing of pure piano, an instrument, till today seems so insurmountably difficult that i am in awe and terribly jealous of anyone who plays well. Any musical instrument really, because i am so inept in melody and ear, i cannot even harness my voice.
Oh truly, do i love bread. Mind you, germanic black bread doesn't set my heart a-flutter as pillow-soft potato bread nor does flour-less, sprouted seed bread that my mother used to buy us in a phased of lapsed tastebuds and health-food frenzy. We never got brioche at home, but if i ever have children i will be a baker and own a grand oven when they are mere playschoolers so they can watch with fascination as the wings of skewered chickens pop open as it goes round and round on the spit and smell the aroma of fresh baked bread, watching it rise as they play in the oven-warmed kitchen.
I miss home. The home that my parents semi-built with it's infinitely lofty ceiling in the living room that was impossible to cool. Where we had a massive oven and a corner of the kitchen that always smelt of rabbit food, even though we never own rabbits. The kitchen where i first baked cupcakes, the mix from a box with overly sweet pink icing and a Beano wafer on the top. The room that was all mine, with it's double bed that i rarely slept it, because i preferred sleeping in the tent pitched in my parent's massive room. The times when we had dinner on the porch, watching the fishes, trying to figure out which fish was eating which. The first floor balcony that was never finished because we left before it could be done. During a full moon the back garden was beautiful, especially during blackouts- he always took us on long drives then so we could cool off in the car and fall asleep to the radio. Would Air Supply still lull me to sleep?
No sleep tonight- i manage to finish a whole historical novel on dracula; the ending slightly disappointing and the story a little long, but i enjoyed it anyway. It is a long novel, about one and three quarters of an inch thick. The essay is far from done and not academic at all. I am fearful, for my adviser would not reply my emails.
Keep me company a little while more Monsieur Beaupain, while i wrack my brains and the internet for ethical and moral treatise for and against killing babies.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I AM A STUPID COW
I AM A STUPID COW
In more elegant terms i am a miserable failure that should not be here. I cannot believe my idiocy. I know this will sound like crazy talk, or the beginnings of schizophrenia; but i swear there is the good side of me that is industrious, hard-working and intelligent. Then there is the 'devil' who is a lazy, stupid daydreamer. Sadly im not very good at repressing the devil, hence the current dilemma.
I should just exterminate that bitch and bring Liza back.
In more elegant terms i am a miserable failure that should not be here. I cannot believe my idiocy. I know this will sound like crazy talk, or the beginnings of schizophrenia; but i swear there is the good side of me that is industrious, hard-working and intelligent. Then there is the 'devil' who is a lazy, stupid daydreamer. Sadly im not very good at repressing the devil, hence the current dilemma.
I should just exterminate that bitch and bring Liza back.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
It's back
I could feel it coming, resisted half-heartedly.
I wish i had the resolve, the strength, the discipline.
But i guess this is a lesson that will keep on repeating itself until i learn. The universe wants me to learn and at this point i think my future happiness depends on me learning this lesson well and finally getting it right, now and forever.
Even if it hurts.
I wish i had the resolve, the strength, the discipline.
But i guess this is a lesson that will keep on repeating itself until i learn. The universe wants me to learn and at this point i think my future happiness depends on me learning this lesson well and finally getting it right, now and forever.
Even if it hurts.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Campy weekend fun
Former roomate was down for the weekend- it was short, but a whirlwind as usual!
The 3 fags and a hag (moi) made it to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert! To add to the campy factor it's the west-end musical version!
I loved it- the hotter than hot men in drag....i have never seen so many delicious bums on stage. The costumes were beyond amazing- taking bell bottoms to the next level, with the odd bare bottom to boot. I have fallen in love with ostrich feathers and big, big headresses.....Oh, and the skirts that looks like cupcakes.....owh......the love of drag!
The music- all our campy favourites: tina turner, kylie, "i will survive" and then some.
A new introduction is what can only be described as the "someone left a cake in the rain" song.
If you have 4 minutes of your life to waste, as you inadvertly do now, watch the donna summer original. The good bits start at 0:35 and it gets groovy at 1:12.
Oh, of course, the Gloria Gaynor classic!
Check out the headpieces!
There's even a ping-pong reference- oh, and ping-pong balls rained from the sky, in pink! The story is sweet- it's about a bunch of ladies who take their act from Sydney across the aussie desert in a pink camper van/ tour bus named Priscilla. And the adventures they have.
It's a little like "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" which is one of my favourite-tess movies ever.
Must get DVD.
And the icing on the weekend of no (school) work must be Britney's circus tour. Ex-roomie wanted company and so got me tickets so i could go and watch it with him. What can i say, I loved it!!!!
From the opening by Perez Hilton,
to the acrobatics and sexy-sexy dancers it was a true circus! Glitzy, glamourous sets and the people hanging from the ceiling was so cool. And it helped that i knew most of the songs cos ex-roomie used to have britney on loop. She looked pretty good- she's almost back on form and the format of the whole show helped. I was pretty amazed at how much i really enjoyed it, but then, those who know me will understand. I ain't called Queen-E for nuthin, you know? I was dancing along for most of the gig, only thing was i had my massive coat and was wearing my skinny jeans and a black t-shirt with flip flops. So not a britney gig-wear. Still i had such a good time, even B was amazed.
not my video, but pretty much the same. B has some wicked piccies. This song brings back B and me coasting "the lost world" in K.L. Wild times.
Well, today was a bit quieter. B had an early morning flight home and me a 5 hour revision session. Coming down from the high now but im still rocking the "someone left a cake out in the rain" song. Donna summers rocks.
Off to revise.
Puss, puss (Swedish for kiss, kiss)
The 3 fags and a hag (moi) made it to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert! To add to the campy factor it's the west-end musical version!
I loved it- the hotter than hot men in drag....i have never seen so many delicious bums on stage. The costumes were beyond amazing- taking bell bottoms to the next level, with the odd bare bottom to boot. I have fallen in love with ostrich feathers and big, big headresses.....Oh, and the skirts that looks like cupcakes.....owh......the love of drag!
The music- all our campy favourites: tina turner, kylie, "i will survive" and then some.
A new introduction is what can only be described as the "someone left a cake in the rain" song.
If you have 4 minutes of your life to waste, as you inadvertly do now, watch the donna summer original. The good bits start at 0:35 and it gets groovy at 1:12.
Oh, of course, the Gloria Gaynor classic!
Check out the headpieces!
There's even a ping-pong reference- oh, and ping-pong balls rained from the sky, in pink! The story is sweet- it's about a bunch of ladies who take their act from Sydney across the aussie desert in a pink camper van/ tour bus named Priscilla. And the adventures they have.
It's a little like "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" which is one of my favourite-tess movies ever.
Must get DVD.
And the icing on the weekend of no (school) work must be Britney's circus tour. Ex-roomie wanted company and so got me tickets so i could go and watch it with him. What can i say, I loved it!!!!
From the opening by Perez Hilton,
to the acrobatics and sexy-sexy dancers it was a true circus! Glitzy, glamourous sets and the people hanging from the ceiling was so cool. And it helped that i knew most of the songs cos ex-roomie used to have britney on loop. She looked pretty good- she's almost back on form and the format of the whole show helped. I was pretty amazed at how much i really enjoyed it, but then, those who know me will understand. I ain't called Queen-E for nuthin, you know? I was dancing along for most of the gig, only thing was i had my massive coat and was wearing my skinny jeans and a black t-shirt with flip flops. So not a britney gig-wear. Still i had such a good time, even B was amazed.
not my video, but pretty much the same. B has some wicked piccies. This song brings back B and me coasting "the lost world" in K.L. Wild times.
Well, today was a bit quieter. B had an early morning flight home and me a 5 hour revision session. Coming down from the high now but im still rocking the "someone left a cake out in the rain" song. Donna summers rocks.
Off to revise.
Puss, puss (Swedish for kiss, kiss)
Friday, June 05, 2009
New love comes in the mail
I bumped into their song Black Balloon while blog surfing awhile ago. Limewiring proved futile so i looked them up on Itunes.
At the same time i was youtubing The Kills and heard Alphabet Pony- you know it's good when it induces myoclonic jerks (in a good way)
The comments on Itunes were favorable but bargain hunting showed that the record Midnight Boom was cheaper there (and a CD i can share).
It arrived yesterday- it's 12 songs of dirty sexy, crazy sad music. I've been a bit disappointed by my musical choices recently, but this is the best in awhile.
It's a bit like a night out with the boys- fun, trouble, a little wrong and the next day you think, 'Goodnight Bad Morning'.
At the same time i was youtubing The Kills and heard Alphabet Pony- you know it's good when it induces myoclonic jerks (in a good way)
The comments on Itunes were favorable but bargain hunting showed that the record Midnight Boom was cheaper there (and a CD i can share).
It arrived yesterday- it's 12 songs of dirty sexy, crazy sad music. I've been a bit disappointed by my musical choices recently, but this is the best in awhile.
It's a bit like a night out with the boys- fun, trouble, a little wrong and the next day you think, 'Goodnight Bad Morning'.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Usted entiende?
I eat dinner at the kitchen table
By the light that switches on
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger's gone
I eat dinner at the kitchen table and I wash it down with pop
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger stops
Never thought that I'd end up this way
I who loved the sparks
Never thought my hair'd be turning to grey
Used to be so dark
So dark
Never thought that I'd end up like this
I who love the night
Never thought I'd be without a kiss
No one to turn out the light
Turn out the light
I eat dinner at the kitchen table
By the light of the tv screen
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
When the plate is clean
When the hunger's gone
-rufus wainwright, i eat dinner-By the light that switches on
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger's gone
I eat dinner at the kitchen table and I wash it down with pop
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger stops
Never thought that I'd end up this way
I who loved the sparks
Never thought my hair'd be turning to grey
Used to be so dark
So dark
Never thought that I'd end up like this
I who love the night
Never thought I'd be without a kiss
No one to turn out the light
Turn out the light
I eat dinner at the kitchen table
By the light of the tv screen
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes
When the plate is clean
When the hunger's gone
It feels a little like this.
The everyday-ness of it all, the nagging worry that this is possibly as good as it gets. That i will forever be this way-more than a little unhappy, struggling to make life mean something.
If life was Hollywood, something amazing will happen to change my life forever, in a good way, soon. I'll get thin, get my hair done, make new friends, suddenly come into a lot of money and have the time of my life. Then decide the superficial materialistic life is not for me and work in Africa saving babies.
If life was Bollywood i'd meet a guy my parents hate, elope, pass medical exams, have kids, have major family bonding drama and live happily ever after. With lots of song and dance routines in between, with many costume changes.
If this was french cinema all you will see is me writing my essay forever, pacing about in my room, alone, talking about killing babies; falling asleep in libraries and filling my sad little clay pot full of cigarettes butts.
If life was a korean drama someone will try to mug me on my way home but i get saved by a good looking gangster sort who should be about a foot taller than me. We will date, fall in love and almost marry. He will get involved in a gang war, i'll get kidnapped and he will try to save me (again). I will get saved, he'll die (sad moment there) and 5 years later working in a hospital somewhere i'll meet his long lost twin brother.
It was so easy
It's always the person you least expects that says something that totally changes my life.
A comment from a colleague has now made me re-think my malaysian elective.
Damn. South America will cost at least 3ooo quid. And i'l have to work on spanish.
And other places i'd like to go to are central america or the indian subcontinent... India has always been in the back of my mind, plus it's close to home; central america is a new revelation, but looks promising.
It all requires money or lots of time to organize if i wanna save money and self plan. Argh!
A comment from a colleague has now made me re-think my malaysian elective.
Damn. South America will cost at least 3ooo quid. And i'l have to work on spanish.
And other places i'd like to go to are central america or the indian subcontinent... India has always been in the back of my mind, plus it's close to home; central america is a new revelation, but looks promising.
It all requires money or lots of time to organize if i wanna save money and self plan. Argh!
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