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I eat dinner at the kitchen table
By the light that switches on
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes

No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger's gone

I eat dinner at the kitchen table and I wash it down with pop
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes

No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk when the hunger stops

Never thought that I'd end up this way
I who loved the sparks
Never thought my hair'd be turning to grey
Used to be so dark
So dark

Never thought that I'd end up like this
I who love the night
Never thought I'd be without a kiss
No one to turn out the light
Turn out the light

I eat dinner at the kitchen table
By the light of the tv screen
I eat leftovers with mashed potatoes

When the plate is clean
When the hunger's gone

-rufus wainwright, i eat dinner-

It feels a little like this.

The everyday-ness of it all, the nagging worry that this is possibly as good as it gets. That i will forever be this way-more than a little unhappy, struggling to make life mean something.

If life was Hollywood, something amazing will happen to change my life forever, in a good way, soon. I'll get thin, get my hair done, make new friends, suddenly come into a lot of money and have the time of my life. Then decide the superficial materialistic life is not for me and work in Africa saving babies.

If life was Bollywood i'd meet a guy my parents hate, elope, pass medical exams, have kids, have major family bonding drama and live happily ever after. With lots of song and dance routines in between, with many costume changes.

If this was french cinema all you will see is me writing my essay forever, pacing about in my room, alone, talking about killing babies; falling asleep in libraries and filling my sad little clay pot full of cigarettes butts.

If life was a korean drama someone will try to mug me on my way home but i get saved by a good looking gangster sort who should be about a foot taller than me. We will date, fall in love and almost marry. He will get involved in a gang war, i'll get kidnapped and he will try to save me (again). I will get saved, he'll die (sad moment there) and 5 years later working in a hospital somewhere i'll meet his long lost twin brother.