too much coffee and a half an hour wasted

but i found this

Welly love

Note it's WELLY, with an E.

My Hunter Wellies have arrived and they are perfect.

Dark purple, to match my rain parade umbrella (thanks buzzy) and mid-calf, they are lovely.

I never thought i'd love rubber so much, but these boots take cake (cue rubber/latex jokes).

They fit like a glove, with room for skinny jeans. Love, love love.



It's my second new pair of boots this week. Yeah, yeah, back to revision

Ok, happy songs now.

All this misunderstanding
on my part because you were
acting like a cat.

Salah fahamku kerana AKSI KUCING

Was it malu-malu kucing? or more of bagai anjing dengan kucing?

I should really go memorize the causes of hepato-splenomegaly. :P

Ja, ne. x

Masochistic much?

You got under my skin. You're a bit like an old tattoo. Lines a little blurred, colors faded. I try to hide it but i know it's there.

Im gonna go study and try to forget you. It is truly the wrong kind of place to be thinking about you.

I would've loved this album if it had this song in it.

I've lost my drive, my joie de vivre, the fight- the will to fight for this.

i'm so scared it's made me weak.

I confess

I am arrogant.

It's the only reason i've been so blase about the whole thing. I have wasted a week watching house, sleeping and doing fuck all.

It's because im arrogant.

I think im gonna be fine.

I dont realize how huge this exam is, how difficult it's gonna be.

It's not that i dont care, i think im gonna be ok.
It's the arrogance talking.

I know if i dont buck up im not gonna be. Oh dear. It's exactly 21 days to exams. 21.

Guilty

Maybe my rash is allergic- im allergic to this hospital, my woolly scarves and life itself.

Im feeling guilty because some good fortune has come my way. I feel a little undeserving and guilty that im a lazy procrastinator with memory problems.....

and a rash.

Ok, there's also a rash....

it's across my abdomen- there's some scattered 2mm maculopapular rashes, not exactlyin a dermatomal distribution.

Shingles?

There's also the slightly scarier rashes which appear as excoriated small areas of skin with scabs on them.

Merely dry flaky skin?

Stressed induced urticaria?

Good thing dermatology is not examined in finals. Phew.

Too much coffee, too much sugar and these noise cancelling uber-bass headphones are making me hyperalert

im over the epistaxis and now in love with thornton's butter tablets.

It's not what you think- it's not just butter; it's butter and condensed milk- in a solid, easily nibbled form. It's 1700 calories in 100 grams.

Diabetes in a bag, baby!

im also a little obsessed with the closing part of oasis's dont go away- the uber bass makes and 'stereoness' of these headphones makes the tune a little more haunting than it usually is.

Love,
fat chick in the cafeteria.

P/S- im getting so big that people give up their seats on the bus for me and people wander to the edge of the corridoor as i waddle past.

P/P/S- i hate myself and i want to die.

epistaxis

I bled out this morning; from my nose.

There's bright blood splotched all over my sheets and one of buzz's pillows is soaked through- what a mess.

There might be a problem. I better get insurance, quick. This looks like it's gonna be nasty.

The only disease i know that presents with epistaxis is Wegener's. Fits eh, since i am doing respiratory med now.

Im just waiting for the heamaturia and heamoptysis to kick in.

I just wonder sometimes why it's the people who seem to have it all are the ones to top themselves?
I think it's brave and decisive.

I wonder how 'a waste of space' me can justify living. For what reason?

postsecret

Love and osteomyelitis

I'm doing questions at the hospital cafeteria, at 0116 hours.

It's fun having all this space to myself, even if it's a little cold. There was an open window earlier, but even my insane fat burning is not gonna warm up this place, even if i've closed the window.

The hands are cold tonight.

I know it's pretty bad when i associate love with osteomyelitis.

im sure you heard the one about the difference between true love and osteomyelitis......?



well......



Chronic osteomyelitis actually lasts forever........................

"Tape aint gonna fix it honey, it aint gonna stick....."

Exam panic, overeating, generalized fatness

worry about remembering, performing, tension headaches

but at least i know my elective is settled.

It's home, for certain. Thank god, i was worried last week. I live dangerously by straying close to deadlines.

"Time aint gonna cure you honey, time dont give a shit,
times is just gonna hit on you
you've got to go straight ahead.....!"

Yes, finals is in 4 and a half weeks

but does it stop me from telling you about my fellow student's clear, lovely blue eyes?

obviously no.

His eyes are gorgeous. They're like clear sky or the blue of tropical sea and just as shiny-sunny clear. He's got these huge eyes that should belong on a 5-year old girl with curly golden locks. Even whites are whiter than white. It helps that he has happy, smiley eyes too.

I contrast them to my rheumy, bloodshot, fake green contact lensed, tired khol rimmed eyes- with so much eyeliner i hope to obscures the fear, worry and lack of sleep/sanity reflected in them.

i'm making a habit of looking up into his eyes, i really need to remind myself not to stare. It's a new thing for me considering i've noticed i never look people in the eye- shifty i know, and it doesn't really build trust but i can't hold eye contact for very long. I find it uncomfortable. Instead i'll look somewhere else when i speak to people; behind them, around them but never at them.

ok, ok, i'll get back to "damage control". That's what im calling revision nowadays.

Counting down the days

Finals feels a little like dying.

Im nice to everyone, regret wasting my life and want to give important life advice to everyone i meet. Im also especially philosophical.

It's bad to compare dying to finals, but it is a little bit similar.
A part of my life ending, and whether it's good or bad depends on what i've done these past 5 years. I know what's coming, but it's not certain how it's gonna be.

I pray a lot, i try to work hard and yet still find myself doing everyday mundane things, just enjoying them more.