Monday, November 30, 2015

I'm sick.

I need help. This headspace is no good. No good at all. I'm mentally torturing myself, to try and achieve the impossible.

I will never be beautiful enough. I can never starve myself. I am never clever enough.

I've gone through old photos and vocalised- 'This is the man you love. That is the woman he loved. Look how beautiful she is. Look at how happy they are. You will never be that beautiful or that happy.'

I've told him today I'm sad and I'm depressed and there is nothing he can do to make it better.

He's told me that I should pick up some Christmas decorations because many he owned were from Christmases with other loves. Ex-fiancé, and the many more that preceded her.. All blondes. All skinny.

I expect he'll have a whole range of Christmas decorations next year when he's done with me.