It's ok to make mistakes

Once.
Then you're expected to learn from it.

What i've learnt this year is that im not as strong, as smart or as capable as i thought i am.
I need a lot of help and i should not be ashamed of asking for it.
I have wonderful, amazing friends whose house is now full of stuff. My stuff.
I will not even start imagining moving all that to the new place which is very-very far away.
Next year will be my year of elimination.

I am not able to let go of material goods.

But i will learn how.

Liez,

you do not need 7 Tefal pans or all those ripped up jeans.

You do not need all those shrunken t-shirts.

Next year i will purge my room of all old unneccessary things. I dont want to be a junk collecting bag/box lady. I dont want to suffer when moving. Like today, tonight.

I cant help but think that my things define me. But they dont. My experiences do, and i should learn how to savour them more, cherish them and remember them.

I should not be ashamed of not knowing.
But eager to learn and remember.

I will never again get high 10 hours before i need to get on a plane. Worse, having to pack and shovel all my stuff away before then. The high helped the packing- the hours felt like minutes and the pain and panic is a haze.

The sun is rising now and i am headed home. My third year as a medical student has ended and im sad for lost opportunities and hoping that i made through the year. They'll be changes next year, difficult adaptations. For my anchor is leaving me, at long last. I may have, in the last years, imagine i have lost her, but physically she was always near. Now, oceans will part us, and distance and laziness will wear at what's left.

The last vestiges of green haze still adhere to the peripheries of my conciousness- even when im high i feel lonely.