7 deadly sins: Envy

I'm down with another bout of tonsilitis; i should really get those buggers out but i know what they do to you when you're under. Plus, im too obese for regular theater tables so until i lose weight sufficiently im gonna have to soldier on and get over these infections. Bloody immune system-get working!

But i digress from the main issue.

Envy. There's this hadith (i can't verify it, but i like it, so im gonna use it): “Avoid envy, for envy devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel.”

"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Oh how i covet. I drown in envy- i wallow in it.

I feel happy for them, im glad that fortune smiles upon them, but God help me, i can't help but hate them, a little bit. I want what they have.

I agonise over how they have what i want, what i lack. Sometimes there is even flares of petty meaness- i am needlessly harsh; i do things to subtly lash back at the unfairness of the world. And the victims are my friends, the people i envy are the people i love.

How can someone have so much when i have so little. How things come so easy for some people- how is it that something so easy and ordinary for them is difficult and impossible for me?

What a terrible human being i must be to hate someone for their good fortune- the envy makes my soul ugly. It's stained with schadenfreude, anger and petty envy. I think all my good karma has probably gone down the drain because i live with so much hate and unhappiness.

It's a evil cycle i cant quit.

My life sucks
and
Their life rocks, kicks ass, full of fucking fireworks
and
I watch their lives
and
Green eyed monster rears its head
and
Envy makes me a bitter unhappy person
thus we are back to
My life sucks.

FML

This one's from the holy book

"And do not covet what we bestowed upon any other people. Such are temporary ornaments of this life, whereby we put them to the test. What your Lord provides for you is far better, and everlasting."