it was 0330 and cold

short stripey blue dress, pink plastic coat and a burnt sienna scarf.
pink helmet, fluroscent yellow Shell safety vest

This was what i wore when i realized that i had run out of blessings.

I made one phone call. No one picked up. I sniffed and refused to cry.

I took off my gloves and fixed the my bike. I pulled and pushed, feeling sorry for myself. I talked to God for a bit, laughed a little at the cruel irony of it all.

Realized that i needed to stop bending over backwards, sacrificing my personal happiness for work- in some deluded belief that this would make up for me being a bad doctor. Firstly im not a bad doctor- I am merely mediocre. I dont need to compensate for anything. I work hard dammit. Real hard.

Gotta work smart honey. Brains not brawn.

I have this exam, next tuesday. And THE interview for THE job a week later.

Im freaking out.