Im scared

I've made some bad decisions at work that had terrible outcomes.
Now I've lost confidence, i've lost any faith I have in my abilities.....and i can't compartmentalise or rationalise this.

I just see myself as a sum of all my failures.

Sometimes I wish I can disappear, but im scared even of that. A minor cycle accident recently reminds me I still fear death. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place- hidup takut, mati tak mahu.