Penat.

I now understand why people whinge about work.

It's like the nine-inch nails song- every day is exactly the same.

It's not quite as unexciting as i paint it; life in hospital in continually entertaining. There's always something happening, there are people buzzing, gossip and stories. There is always something to do. It's at the heart of human drama.

It's busy-busy. I lose myself in the work, but in the background i feel exactly the same.

Everyday i feel stupid. Inept. At a loss for words. Like the french phrase: Aujourd'hui plus qu'hier et moins que demain. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. I have 40+ years of this to look forward to. Continually being not good enough, mediocre.

There's a lesson here im missing, something i've been missing most of my life. You think after 19+ years i'd figure out how not beat myself up for not being good enough.

I've only been working for 7 weeks.