Im sorry

I find it difficult to control my emotions and im sorry you're getting the short stick.
Im sorry I get irksome- I find it hard not to be possessive. Good God it's so hard not to think of you as mine, all mine. Or at least wanting to think so.

You dont adore me. You do not worship the ground I walk upon.

You dont lie to me, you treat me decently and with respect. You would not hurt me purposefully.

I now understand these women who stay with men they cannot have at the peril of heartbreak. It's so hard not to fall. The slope is greased, the fall so gentle, bottomless. I am becoming one of them.

I would not resent this fall so much if it wasn't for the fact he does not and will not think of me that way. I am for him a project- I have given up that agenda weeks ago, but for him I am an unfinished project on his list; once I am done and ready I am to be released into the world to meet wonderful men that are out there.

He is a friend. He is someone I trust. He drives me crazy both a good way and a bad way. I hate seeing him hurt and I want to see him happy.

He is a friend and I care about him.