Friday, November 08, 2013

You've got a warm heart,
You've got a beautiful brain.
But it's disintegrating,
From all the medicine.

Let's just say if I get drug tested I would have some explaining to do. They tell me I can make it on my own; no need to mess around with my brain chemistry- I worry that it wont be enough.

But this song doesn't just refer to the meds.

It also reflects how I feel about work. A lot of the times I wonder why I put myself through all of this shit for something I'm not passionate about. I trudged through school, through these early years of work thinking I'll find that elusive career that will spur me into action, lead me to success, happiness and fulfillment. 

I think Im lost. There is no second chance, im too far gone to pull away. The song sings of being able to start anew- I'm not that brave. What if it's not just medicine....what if it's me?

The one that's flawed. The one that's unable to succeed.
The one who will make all the wrong decisions and procrastinate too long.

Im hiding here and no one will come and save me.
No one's calling my bluff when i say, "I'm ok, i know what I'm doing".

I will have to pull myself out of the mud, change my fate, change how I deal with life.
It's not too late, right?

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