wobble

It's 3 days to Iceland.

Im packing for subzero nights, glacier hikes and cold, cold cold.

Im going with the new man and all I can think about is that I will be warm but very very unattractive.

Im feeling bloated and fat today. In fact all week. Everyone reassures me I'll be ok, no man goes out with someone only because she is a pretty face. Oh dear no, of course not.


I can't help that his ex-fiance (they were going out for 5 years) is a highly attractive 5'10 leggy blonde. I really cannot help that she is 5 year younger than me. I can't help that she is beautiful.


Everytime I see those photos ( i know, i know, it's self flagellation in the virtual sense ) I wonder why he's with me. I feel like a step-down. The 'ugly girl' from Fiona Apple's song.

All men want a pretty face. The hot chick wins every time. 

His albums are littered with her. Another woman I've not met who is now my enemy.


My fucking inferiority complex. Fucking inferiority complex.

If you were wondering; he broke it off. After invitations were sent.

There are no pictures of me on Facebook. Only of him and her. I think I've just made a decision here. A painful one.

July 15th is the day of reckoning. I though i'd give it 6 months and see what happens. Of course I had to fall like a rookie now and allow myself a world of hurt....

I really can't do this.