The Prayer

I went out this evening.
And i ran away at 12.00, not cinderella-like, but more of the Beast-style.

Im self-absorbed, and this is going to be another in depth analysis of why im a social retard. You have been duly warned.

Block Party's The Prayer is my getting ready song. Everytime i go out, i hope and wish that i will have fun. Most of the time i dont.

I feel out of place, awkward. It seems that no one has anything to say to me, and i have nothing to say to them. I'll try and make conversation, but its always boring, 'oh how was your week' talk that lasts all of two minutes before they turn around and talk to the person next to me, and i just stand there looking lost, feeling alone. If im nursing a drink, it'll be ok for awhile, but i'll drink it all up very very quickly.

I feel uncomfortable, like i dont belong. That's not new. It seems that with this group of certain people i become this introvert, i lose all my charm.

With certain others i can be entertaining, charming is a loud, brassy way. I might even seem confident, wild, joyful.

With them yeaterday, i felt unhappy i guess. They make me feel a little low in myself. I feel like im the odd one out. The fat, ugly one. The charm-less girl. I stood there having nothing to say. And i dont know how to make conversation with drunk people. King's of convenience's "I'd rather dance with you" comes to mind.

I know its partially my fault. If i'd take more of an interest in people's lives, then perhaps i could make better conversation when i see them. Do more interesting things, so i can talk about them, then just going 'yeah, im chilling out this weekend'. And learning some wicked party tricks- that'll make me popular, definately.