i got a random call from a friend today. We're not close, but my gabby mouth and uncanny sense of saying the obvious at the most inappropriate time now has landed me the mantel of love advisor.
or in this case, one-sided love advisor. Im good at this. I have lived it many a time. Maybe 2 times where it really hurt. It still stings when i think about those two. What do i tell him? You try, and try and try, but if it wasn't meant to be, it won't be. She'll steal more than your coffee,if you're not keeping your eyes open boy.
He's sweet and unassuming, she's hot and crazy. He got it pretty bad for her and she makes fun of him and steals his coffee. He has asked her out, and so far, everytime there is an excuse to say no. Yet, when i watch them together i get this feeling that they like each other mutually, that they're compatible. I opened my stupid mouth and suggested the two of them get it on, which landed me in this mess in the first place.
oh dear.
It doesn't bid well however. She's declined his invitations several times and she's mentioned that there's someone else that she fancies. My hypothesis: she probably doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with him, but thinks of him as a close buddy. I spoke about it to a few mates, and they agreed, it is probably the case. So, rather that giving him false hope about the whole thing, i said as nicely as i could: she probably isn't that into you. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you. Here's a hug through the phone. Anyone you can get a cuddle from?
"but tell me now, where was my fault
in loving you with my whole heart
a white blank page and a swelling rage
you did not think when you sent me to the brink
you desired my attention by denied my affection"
Mumford and sons, white blank page
Then we got into talking about love and how at a certain point in life it doesn't really matter who it is, all it matters is that they love us. Maybe even more than we love them. That it's so hard to love and not be loved back- and it's harder to try and find our how they truly feel about us. That issue even came up in Edinburgh, where while sitting on the steps along the Royal Mile, the boy i used to fancy asks me, "how do i know if she (some other hot girl) likes me?" It's hard, hell, it's near impossible. But it people do hook up, but not me; so ask them kiddo, not me. Im as clueless as you are. But they still ask, and i try and answer, because most of the time they already know the answer, they just want someone else to say it for them.
That's where this conversation got interesting- he's a very perceptive boy who's given this lots of thought and he's willing to admit to things that might be too painful to face in bright light. Like the fact that we all change for other people. That the reason for change is never internal, it starts off external and becomes internalized. Most of the time change is triggered by us wanting someone who doesn't want the current us. The reason we "man-up", get skinny and work hard is because we want to better ourselves to get some action. Very true in an evolutionary sense, i guess.
I've been typing for awhile and i've noticed that i've skinned my knuckles, no clue how i did that. Maybe it's when i was moving the 30 pounds worth of chocolate purchased at ASDA. Or on the bus at 0040 hours. Hmmm.
The conversation is still mulling in my mind and it's opened some old wounds. I was planning to leave love to God and fate, but i think maybe he wouldn't appreciate my laziness and helplessness.
this song always makes me a little sad.
and ugh, i've not packed and there's 30 pounds of chocolate in my backpack, plus my bloomin' books. Im gonna break my back!
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