There's a bbq downstairs and im hiding away in my room

It's a bbq with people who live in my building- my flatmates, some people i know from the building and their friends.

I went down for half an hour and then made excuses to go hide out in my room.

I lied- im not tired. In fact, i'd love to drink myself silly and eat a few burgers.

But im so shy. I feel so uncomfortable around these people. I didn't know what to talk about and didn't have anyting interesting to say.

I felt awkward and out of place.
Is this how's it's gonna be, always?

I wished i still smoked cos at least that gave me smoking friends