Feeling empty and useless again

Today i have received mail from a few friends. Friends that have been doing amazing things over the holidays. I feel like a perfect bum. I have spent my holidays at home, lounging, waking up late, oversleeping, overeatingand dreaming too much. I have not spent a lot of time with friends-been abandoning a lot of them really, in favour of lazing about at home. Somehow im always stuck in at home doing something (what im usually unsure). I wonder where my holidays have gone, and what ive done with them. Time sure flies fast, and im not doing much with it for sure. One thing ive done a lot during these holidays is EAT. My parents have indulged 'almost' my every whim. Steaks, chicken rice, arabic food, japanese, banana leaf, seafood-you name it, ive had it. My dad's kinda loosen the purse strings a bit, and i find myself spending like there's no tomorrow. Dangerous i tell you. Still, it's fun. Ive never quite been this 'free' with money. Im always a bit tight-fisted: i kinda have the mentality that i may run out of money tomorrow or this week, so save!!!

But back to feeling empty and useless-yeah,i havent done much at all. Some people have gone to see the world, some people gone around to hang out with all their friends-i've just hung at home and got bored. Been trying to tutor my brother for his exams-not really working. He doesnt seem to want to learn from me. I wonder if it's the fact im his sister and he wont take me seriously or it's because im crap at teaching. I really am not sure. I have not gone out and partied like mad, nor have i studied like mad as i initially planned i would. Training over the summer was a stupid plan from the beginning-i am not disiplined at all at home.

So, with a month to go, what am i gonna do? Well, im gonna be nice to family. Im gonna stay at my grandma's for a bit, and then maybe kidnap another grandma to stay at home with us for a few days. Im gonna get my hair done, maybe closer to when im leaving. Im gonna catch up with a few friends and maybe catch another gig or to before i leave. Oh yeah, and get more shoes...hehehehe