The result of some long conversations (on phones and on messenger) and loads of thinking while doing dishes have made me decide. Life is passing me by a bit. Bit by bit. And so i shall be bold. And i shall live as much as i want, See as much art as i can. Buy all i want- the cycle of wealth will prevail. The truth of the matter is ive been playing too safe. Not taking risks. And being scared. Not just scared of so called dangerous things-but scared of failing, making mistakes, making people mad........scared of being myself and telling the truth to myself and people around me. IM TIRED OF ALL THE LIES.........soooo tired. so there. here it is:

I HEREBY PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT:

1. I WONT LIE TO MYSELF ANYMORE
2. I WILL GO BLOND
3. I AM COMMITTING TO LOSING 10KGs BY CHRISTMAS HOLS
4. I WILL VISIT MELACCA & PENANG BEFORE I GO BACK TO ENGLAND

at the moment i'll stop at that. Too many and it wont be achievable. I've got academic goals to reach as well, but i'll right them down when im in an academic state of mind. Im adamant. I cant live like this anymore, its too taxing. I hate being suicidal every few months when i feel fat and inconsequential.