How to explain anything to anyone [a med student entry]

formerly titled: how to explain shit.

Introductions:

who the hell you are and what are you doing here
who they are, their age and what they for a living [you nosy bugger]
Why are they seeing you?

ICE,ICE BABY:

So, any Idea what's going on?
Any particular Concerns?
What are you Expecting? [not a cure i hope]

THE MEATY EXPLAINING BIT:

What the hell is it?
[a rash, nasty mucus everywhere, you going crazy]

What caused it?
[fungus, nasty genes, chemical imbalance]

How common is it?
[lots-people just dont talk about it, 1 in 4000 among white caucasians, a few people here or there]

What were the things that made you get it?
[infrequent baths, marrying cousins, too much weed]

What's the problem then (complications......)?
short term:[itchy-itchy everywhere, bad lungs+gut, killing your cat]
long term: [not ever getting laid, dying young, killing yourself]

How to fix it?
[a cream, the MDT*, lotsa meds and a hospital stay]

What and who's gonna be involved?
*the MDT - like the best answer ever- the multidiscliplinary team can handle anything and everything.

QUS, QUS TO FINISH:

Any Questions?
Do you actually Understand the words that are coming outta my mouth? Don't forget the ever important information leaflet
Summarise- just quickly cover what is it and how to fix it. Reassure, empathize, show love.

Now get outta there quick!