I hate being fat

It's tough being fat and fabulous.
If i can say so myself.

It's so much more work. Finding clothes, faking confidence and trying to look good while lugging around the extra weight of a large child is exhausting.

It's taking it's toll on my psyche. Im tired of working so hard. Clothes, make-up, exercise- so much effort just to look 'acceptable', to not be a fat-freak. It's also psychologically difficult. To act comfortable in my own body, to not want to hide away, to be so different; an outcast in normal, BMI under 25 society. I have to constantly convince myself i am as good as everyone else, i deserve to be here though i dont feel it.

I have to work hard to make myself different, special. Not having good looks to play on, i have to develop skills and knowledge to ensure i stay relevant in society. To be accepted, so to speak. But acceptance isn't enough; i want adoration, love, envy.

I want it all.....muahahhaha.....

I hope never to lose my sense of humour though. Never. It's the only thing that keeps me going. The fact that i know God is probably having a good giggle watching me trying so hard. Im thinking if i keep at it, maybe God will give in. Alter my metabolism, warp my genes and give me the miracle that is skinny, smart and happy.