Death before Dishonour

"I don't mind dying if it's being hit by a Porsche"

This year's worse statement. I know I'm gonna regret ever saying it.

What if a Porsche did come around and hit me, thereby killing me in the process-preferably quickly. I want to donate my organs- my lungs are a bit shitty and my heart is pretty small, but everything else should be ok. Im assuming my liver is huge- cut it up and give it to a lot of people, ok? It is my last bid to go to heaven....I haven't been to good....

I fear i may disgrace myself and let my team down this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I fear my team is blind to the fact that I SUCK. I'm so bad that anyone else would be better, but they would not believe me. I'm so scared, so terribly frightened and miserable but no one believes me. No one listens to me when i tell them that i cannot do this. That i am weak and useless.

I don't know what i can do to make them replace me. All my whinging and complaining has fallen on deaf ears.

I'm at my wits end. It is on the day after tomorrow. Hence the morbid wish of getting hit by a Porsche. If i don't die, i still can't row with a tibial/femoral/pelvic fracture. Yeah, and probably can't walk forever.