i dont feel any better. Cold, smoky, but not more motivated, more focused, less scared or clear in the head.
Im scared of many things. Scared that life will pass me by. Scared that i'll go to hell. Scared that i wont do well in the coming exams. Scared that i may not finish this essay. Scared that the truth is i'm stupid, shallow and that's that. Scared of travelling alone to spain. Scared that i'll be killed and left to rot in an olive orchard somewhere. That i may lose all my money and be stuck in the middle of Spain-with nothing but Ginger Blund and not a proper sentence in spanish between us.
I just want everything to be easy again. I want someone to go with me and take pictures; with me in it. I want my computer to work properly. I wanna be able to put picture up on this blog. I want someone to hug, kiss and cuddle that's taller than 9 inches and is not filled with wool. I want world peace and equitable trade.
Im not sure that i can do medicine-im not all that smarts. Im not sure i'll be able take over the world. Im not sure if my friends really like me as a person. Im not sure i can stay sane for long. Im not sure of i can keep my promises- yeah, i know.....im sorry......im always like this........i feel horrible about it. Im not sure what/who republicans are (but i know they exist in america and they are against the conservatives-i think).
I need more brains, more money, better cigarettes and less food. I need to exercise, to sleep less and to study more. I need ritalin, phentermine and painkillers. I need better memory and stronger knees. I need love, constant attention and praise.
hah-im a bad compulsive writer. Isnt that the shits?
1 comment:
Oh man i love your post. i love the bit about wanting your pc to work. i surfed into your blog just clicking on next blog, after a blog on my favs. your blog is really good, keep at it.
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