Im in denial. I have all these things to do, and yet, i manage to blot it all out. Im in denial of my fatness, my ignorance and stupidity. I say it, but deep down, i dont mean it. Im in denial. I still have in my head that i am the Queen of the world, when in fact, i have long fallen from my throne, fallen from grace. It's a slippery slope from there as i slip lower each time.
Escapism will be my downfall. I refuse to study or check emails- im trying to shirk all responsibility.....for what? To stay in bed and dream. In my own world where i make stories from music and everything including me, is beautiful. I blame the Stars for my current state of mind- they sing such descriptive songs that it puts the movie maker in my head into overdrive.
My head is heavy and im really hungry all the time: it's the weed. I woke up in someone else's bed this morning- i opened my eyes to realize i didn't know where i was, and it took me about 30 long seconds to recall what happened last night. Nothing too exciting- i was stoned and in my little bubble, thinking deeply about things i shouldn't be thinking about. The guys were coming up with profound thoughts and epiphanies- but i was beyond listening. This depressive state is bad for me. It's affecting my motivation and memory. Both are going, and so is my skin- it's a barometer of my mood: bad skin means bad mood; sorta.
There's this exam next week, and i am not at all prepared. I fear for my future. This apathy doesn't suit the study of medicine.
This is my quarter-life crisis.
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