Epiphany

Say no platitudes dear friends, haters and random readers.

Just let me whinge. For this is pure, undiluted self hatred at its zenith.

Today was the day i was filmed taking a history from a patient and the day i lost all hope. I am FAT and UGLY.

FAT as in elephantine and whale-like. Obese, large; huge. Watching my bum as i walked in the room was painful. It was so huge, even i (with all my selective sight) could not blot it out. My thighs are massive. They look like huge tree trunks. Worst of all was my face- it's huge and fat. There's fat everywhere, and as i nodded you can see the fat move. It even dwarfed the hair. Fat jowls are the ugliest thing in the world- and i have them.

That brings us on to UGLY. Speak not of things like hair and clothes. But just the way im put together. There's no delicacy or beauty anywhere. Just rolls of fat, shaking this way and that as i speak. A large greasy nose, big lips and beady assymetrical eyes. And my voice- awful. I slur my words like my tongue is to big for my mouth. I sound like a retard. I move like one to- i make wierd head movements that is suppose to pass as nodding and dont know where to put my big fat legs when i sit down. And fat jowls. Those terrible fat jowls.

It's not the fat that's making me ugly though. It's just that im ugly AND fat. It's unfortunate, but it happens to some people. Ok, it beats being deaf and blind, but still, when you have intelligent, beautiful, skinny people around you kinda can't help hating fate and wondering why is life so unfair. Or how the world could allow such a monstrosity to survive past their 2nd birthday.

Im OK, really...i guess as OK as you can be if you're fat and ugly.