Smoking- a review

Why is it i can go weeks without a cigarette and then, suddenly, i find myself in a funk and then i chain smoke my whole precious packet of Gauloises? That's actually a statement, not a question.
Yeah, i feel so cool smoking my fancy french cigarettes. Let me be immature and pretencious.

Smoking a cigarette calms me down. Smoking a few, quickly, gives me a head rush. Ive been told i smoke a cigarette like my life depended on it. He told me to slow down and enjoy it. Thanks for the lesson- i wouldnt have the joy of smoking without you.

Is it me or do my cigarettes burn faster than i can take 3 breaths? I may not be able to run tomorrow. Lungs are out. Work pneumocytes and macrophages, work!!

The price of cigarettes here and in Malaysia are equal to an hour's minimum wage. Actually a bit more than minimum wage in Malaysia.

So why do i do it? It actually calms me down. When im stressed i take a timeout and smoke. I breath deeply (its smoke, but im still breathing deeply). Its a stimulant, it gives me a buzz and then i fall slowly, feeling very calm and tired-then i sleep very well. That's why i must chain smoke to keep it going. It gives me something to do with my hands. I think i look cool smoking. I make friends smoking. They're having a cigarette, they smile and offer you one, 'yes, thank you- awful cold outside, isnt it?'-new friend made.

And smoking occasionally only reinforces the positive feedback of smoking. It's a Pavlovian thing. The reinforcement is stronger when the reward is not given consistently with the stimulus. I dont smoke all the time i'm stressed, but when i do, it feels good. I know how it works and i still am setting myself up for a addiction.

Smoke stings my eyes and i still dont inhale properly because it irritates my nose and throat. Could just be the Gauloises but i think all ciggies do that. Duh, but I do it anyway. I told myself years ago that i had a problem if i started smoking alone. I speak the truth when i dont mean to. And im in serious trouble because most of the time im the only smoker around. I have a ciggie on my walk to lectures or spanish class, a smoke in the kitchen while im washing dishes, or just one when im bored, alone in my room. Its no longer a 'social thing', its a comfort blanket.