A Midfielder's Scribbles

I honestly would never be a midfielder in real life, but you know what i mean (im an effective goalie in real life-it's where girth is an advantage). Had bestfiend over for gossip, dinner and brownie making yesterday. We had a late dinner of garlic bread and bolognaise with sainsbury's cream caramel for pudding. We gossiped like mad for hours later-amazing that it wasnt just gossip....It was philopsophical musings about how love and attraction works. Why we love and adore the people that we do and how the malay word 'pasrah' describes perfectly how i feel about H-. How with some people we are chickens-we care enough to give them eggs for breakfast, we're willing to give up something for them. For a few people though, we are ham- we are willing to sacarifice ourselves and die just to be their breakfast.

It was enlightening and entertaining conversation combined with gossip and good music. Later, she helped me with brownies-I tried my mom's recipe this time and it came out pretty good. I always fret with brownies. They never turn out perfect. Always slighty flawed. A bit like yours truly me thinks. Sugary, brunt crust on the top, but cakey and fudgy in the middle. Should be perfect in about 3 days. Brownies age well. The oil from the butter will rise to the surface, making the crusty, sugary shell soft and give the surface a pretty sheen. And the flavours will become more complex as the sugary taste recedes to the background and the cocoa and raw flavor of the brown sugar comes up. Patience is everything in cooking. Bestfriend is a very technical cook, while im a instinctive one so our styles do clash slightly. Bestfriend would be an amazing baker. Perfection is everything in baking- i guess that's why its not my forte.

I managed to stay on the bed this time rather than have bestfriend shove me off the bed again. She did it once and so i learnt my lesson. I slept next to the wall. Sleep was good and peaceful. Your teeth grinding doesnt bother me hun, and i hope i didnt toss and turn too much.

Its nice to have milk and brownies for breakkie (no eggs, or meat products-and no, i dont eat ham). Except bestfriend doesnt like milk, and i suspect she doesnt fancy brownies too much either. Took too long to get ready, and made bestfriend late for lunch meet with friends. Was dressing up for H- but he didnt show up. How sad.......I looked fat and ugly today, so i guess its a good thing.

But thoughts for today, in no particular order

-If you have a lot in common with someone it doesnt mean your kindred, does it? I have to come out with criteria for kindred ranking. As a rule kindredship is mutual and instinctive

-Its so disconcerting that someone you dont really like has so much in common with me. Dont kick me off your team, please

-Why do we always fall for men we cannot have

-Why does football analogies work? And why do i understand them so well. Somehow i'm a great analyst, but horrible at living the life i analyze so well.

-What do people see in me? I see nothing but veneer and lies. I have loads of acquantainces but so few friends. Im no one's stricker-merely a midfielder. I think im in someone's starting 11, but i know for many others im just a sub. Only when there's no one else

- I want to be someone's Bobby Moore. I think i cant be a anyone's Bobby Moore yet because im too lazy and there is a lack of opportunity.

- Why some girls have it all. I cannot hate them (most of them are lovely) but they drive me crazy

-Why some people think Duracell Bunny is pretty. I dont think so, she's ok.....but just soo duracell bunny.........

-Will someone ever be my ham?

-Which is more unromantic-'I'll be your ham' or 'Ich Liebe Dich'?

-Has H- found out that im obsessed about him? I just met his housemate today- it took all my self control to not kidnap this guy and force H- to be ransom. But his housemate did ask me to join them for shisha one of these days. Very pressing about it too. Maybe someone did blab-im fucked!

- Is it possible to fall in love with a none-kindred?