I was listening to this one song, and suddenly it occured to me that i've sung it before in front of H-. Yes, love of my life H-. Its a gorgeous, heartbreaking song which i proceeded to destroy-very painfully. It was an audition, and at that time i was still deluded thinking i could sing. The song was mainly in a fairly low key but had high bits. Basically you needed to have good range and a solid low key voice. I had a sore throat. I croaked at parts. No idea how embarrassing that was. I flushed red and wanted to die there and then. And the most heartbreaking moment that killed singing for me forever was when the teacher annouced that im tone deaf-with H- in the small room. H- was the pet favourite of the teacher and a music club darling. He was there practising and just hanging out. I just wanted the earth to swallow me up and spit me out in Mongolia. But here's H-'s song. It wasn't the song i sang, but it's the song that best represents how i feel about him. It's hard to explain, but listen to it and you'll know what i mean. It's Crystal Baller by one of my favourite band of the nineties-Third Eye Blind.

I close my eyes and I see a freak,
I think it’s me and I’m afraid to speak
I keep on going from weak to weakness
Way out in a lie.
I dream of lives we could have had before
But the heat is broke down
Open doorways.
Friends of yours
Tell me more
What happens in your mind

Can we try and take the high road
Though we don’t know where it ends
I want to be your crystal baller
I want to show you how it ends

Macramé queens in the afternoon
And I’m in tune or did I speak too soon
Punch drunk up on somebody’s joke
What happened to the time
A footnote in your dance of days
In my mind that record still plays
Still wonder what the fuck it says
Hoping there was time

Can we try and take the high road
Though we don’t know where it ends
I want to be your crystal baller
I can show you how it ends

Can we talk about tomorrow
And the promise that it brings
I want to be your crystal baller
I want to show everything

I wonder what the whole things for
I wonder what the whole things for
In the moment you were screaming at me
You would have been somebody else
And the patrons of the pub keep singing
Macramé queens in the afternoon
And I’m in tune or did I speak too soon
Punch drunk up on somebody’s joke
What happened to the time

I dream of lives we could have had before
And the heat is broke down
Open doorways
Like waiting for a trick to score
It seems that way some times
I wonder where we’re all going
I’m homesick for your primal knowing
I wonder why the wind keeps blowing you through my mind

Try and take the high road
Remember we were friends
I want to be your crystal baller
I want to be your diamond ring

The one I never gave you
And the promise that it brings
Let me be your crystal baller
I will show you everything
I’ll be your crystal baller