Meet Ginger Blund, my teddy.

Im ill with viral pharingitis. That's a sore-throat that has to clear up on it own to the rest of ya. The GP wasnt much help, and i was feeling so lethargic that i really didnt want to say anything.

I've been lucky so far that i've not been ill often. I hate feeling ill. That weak, powerless feeling. The heat eminating from behind my eyeballs, my breath so warm but yet being so cold, terribly cold. Aches in all my muscles and my joints stiff and sore. Weakness so deep my bones feel tired. Fever so hot that my arm was properly radiating heat. I sweated the fever off this morning, and slept in off this afternoon. To survive tonight i fed my fever. A meal of rice, ice-cream, paracetamol and litres of tea.

Must work. Must read. Must remember. Exams in 3 weeks and i must redeem myself. Cardioresp exam results was embarrasing.

Being sick puts me in a philosophical mood. I'm reminded of my mortality-the fact that i can and will die. It's all a matter of time really. To find out how much time-try this. I guess getting ill is a time to reflect and think. To put me in my place. Its a humbling place to be, being ill. My mind and body weakened, and not by choice. Unable to do what i want to.

But i push it. My body mostly. I do abuse my body; most of the time not out of a concious choice, but because i have to. Sometimes, i abuse it because im angry or upset. To punish my mind. To me: the mind controls the body. The body nourishes the mind. When one is weak, so is the other. At the moment my resolve is strong, to stay awake long enough to get some revision done. To be able to get to medsoc tomorrow and maybe even gym a bit! It's amzing though how the body adapts. When mollycoddled i tend to get tired and ill easily; but i can build myself up to sleeping 4 hours a day and running about the rest of the time. It's all in the head, really.

The fever is coming back, i can feel that familiar warmth behind my eyeballs. And im starting to feel cold even though the heat is on full blast.

The picture at the beginning of this post is my teddy: Ginger Blund. He watches over me and guards my bed. I gave him jewelled arm bands to wear to show off his guardian warrior status and to appease him really. I worry he's hiding my stuff away.......I secretly wonder whether he is evil.......I sure hope not........